


We're actors! We'll just act!

by River_Melody_Pond



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_Melody_Pond/pseuds/River_Melody_Pond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stormed into the flat slamming the door. He was boiling with anger. How dared she? How dared she humiliate him in front of so many cameras? Live on national television? Live on hundreds of cinemas? What was wrong with that woman??? Did she really have no limits? Did she really not know when to stop with her nonsenses? He’s tried to disregard her outbursts for time and time again, but he could no longer ignore her words! She’s made her opinion clear and, for once, he believed with all his being that it was indeed the way she was perceiving him and their relationship!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's over!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. I am new around here and this is the very first time I dare to publish something.  
> So say something nice, will you? Hehe. Enjoy! (kind of)

He stormed into the flat slamming the door. He was boiling with anger. How dared she? How dared she humiliate him in front of so many cameras? Live on national television? Live on hundreds of cinemas? What was wrong with that woman??? Did she really have no limits? Did she really not know when to stop with her nonsenses? He’s tried to disregard her outbursts for time and time again, but he could no longer ignore her words! She’s made her opinion clear and, for once, he believed with all his being that it was indeed the way she was perceiving him and their relationship!

  
He entered the bedroom punching the door. He opened the wardrobe, took a small suitcase out and started throwing some of his clothes in it. He felt like ravishing the wardrobe! Seeing her clothes there made him go insane. Mad! Out of his mind! Before he could stop himself, he was throwing on the floor all her possessions. He stopped and took a deep breath only to assess the mess he had caused.

  
He took his suitcase and left the room grabbing his keys and jacket. Right in that moment Alex stormed into the flat. She was short of breath. Probably she ran up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the lift.

  
‘Matt!!!’ she stopped when she saw him with the suitcase. ‘What… what are you doing? Put that down. Put that down now, Matthew!’

  
‘Or what, _mum_!? Just get out of the way, Alex!’

  
‘Matt, please… you’re just drunk! What was in your head to leave the party like that? Driving all way from Cardiff in this condition??? And at that speed! My taxi was almost 20 minutes behind you and I left a minute after you stormed out! Are you bloody insane?’

  
‘Yes! I am bloody insane and immature and irresponsible! I am so much under your standards! And you are so much out of my bloody league!!!’ His hand went into a fist while he spit out the words.

  
‘Matt… Matt, darling, I am so sorry!’ her eyes softened and her voice started trembling. ‘Please, Matt. Please… I did not mean it in that way…’

  
‘Oh, so when you giggled with the fans at the Q &A and told them you’re not going to marry me because you are so out of my league… you just meant that in a nice way?’ She slowly closed her eyes and exhaled. His sarcasm and bitterness was killing her.

  
‘Matt… please, I was just joking. You know that what I said is not true, it is not what I think about you, about us… Really, you do know that right?’ She opened her eyes giving him her best puppy dog face.

  
‘Do I? Because let’s say it is one thing to joke about it once, twice, three times… but all the freaking time? All the time, Alex?! All. The. Time! I am so tired of being your… _boyo_! Your pet! Your bloody joke, Kingston!’ Alex startled at the intensity of his anger. She’s never seen him like that before. She opened her mouth to say something but he continued before she managed to gather her words: ‘You’re joking about us to the fans? Ok, I get it. It’s not their bloody business. It makes you feel good to hear them giggle on my behalf? Be it! Whatever makes you happy! But having the same attitude with our closest friends? That is no longer funny, Alex. That is no longer pretending! That is reality! That is what you bloody believe of me and our relationship! Telling to the reporters that you were out of my league? I smiled and swallowed it. But continuing with it at the party?’

  
Alex closed her eyes again and in a short second the entire night rewound in her mind:

  
 _March 26th, 2015. Ten years after ‘Rose’, the pilot episode of the revived Doctor Who series, had been aired. The entire evening was planned in great detail. The episode was re-aired both on television and in cinemas across the country. After the end of the episode, an extra-special Q &A followed! Live on TV, live in cinemas! Everyone was watching…_

  
_Oh, the Q &A! Her heart skipped a beat just re-picturing their glorious entrance. She was waiting, quite nervous, on the left side of the stage, behind some curtains. She could see their lovely host being all nervous and pacing along the chain of chairs! Poor thing was doing her best to be funny and keep the emotions of hundreds excited Whovians under decent levels of control. But she was too excited herself and so she just smirked when her introduction speech ended, then pointed to the left side of the stage, where Alex and everyone else were still hiding, and almost screamed the words:_

  
_‘Ladies and gentleman! Please welcome the 9th Doctor, Christopher Eccleston!’_

  
_Oh dear heaven in the sky! Alex remembers the commotion coming from the audience when Christopher entered the stage! She knew that having him there was a tremendous achievement in itself. No wonder the fans went all bonkers! And it did not get any better when Billie Piper was invited to join her first Doctor. Their enormous hug in front of thousands of watchers was more than emotional._

  
_The cheesy magic was ruined when John Barrowman run on stage with a big Torchwood gun! He paused and stared at the audience for a long five seconds. Then he tossed his weapon aside and exclaimed: ‘Sorry about that, guys! Wrong century!’ Alex could hear Matt laughing harder than she’s seen him in a while and she laughs herself at his joy. Everyone else laughs, of course. They all adore Captain Jack._

  
_Alex sees David Tennant winking at her. She smiles back. The host, calls his name (barely hearable because of the general hysteria). David laughs and climbs the stairs of the stage. He stops and shakes Christopher’s hand, then he gives a manly hug to John. His eyes all on Billie. David jumps on his Rose and spins her in the air a couple of times to the delight of the audience. David doesn’t even get to sit down, because he hears the host welcoming Freema Agyeman and he cannot do anything else but open his arms exclaiming: ‘Blimey! It’s Martha Jones!’_

  
_The spirits on the stage were further blown in the air with John Simm, Catherine Tate, and Bernard Cribbins joining the party. All the stars of the era stood up cheering Russel T. Davies who joined them a couple of minutes later. It was magical. Alex stared in awe._

  
_She then looked at Steven who was smiling at Matt and Peter. ‘Ready, ma’ boys? It’s our turn now.’ The Scotsman declared. Matt nodded. ‘Good, then let’s have some fun!!!’ Steven walked on stage and went to hug Russel. The two of them made a couple of inner jokes and the public laughed in delight._

  
_Alex squeezed Matt’s hand and looked into his eyes before letting him go up. He stumbled on the last couple of stairs and fell on his knees in front of Christopher and Bille. Alex’s heart stopped for a second. The silly man!_

  
_Christopher and Billie jumped to help him and Steven had the same instinct, but Matt stood up very quickly. ‘I’m fine, I really am, really!!!’ he started assuring everyone. Alex rolled her eyes. Such a clumsy child, she thinks._

  
_The host starts mocking his entrance, but Matt keeps his smile up and jokes along. When the host invites him to sit down Matt simply says that there will be no point in him sitting since he is too excited to greet his Ponds. “On stage, I mean. In front of everyone. Because Karen is already annoyed at me. Been mocking her for the last two hours. But she’ll be nice. She must! There are cameras everywhere! So come along, Pond!” Everyone laughs._

  
_The host rolls her eyes and invites Karen and Arthur on stage. The golden trio shares a big group hug on stage and then Matt sits next to Steven clapping his hands and putting one leg on top of the other. When Karen wants to sit next to him, Matt jumps in his seat and almost pushes her on the floor. He then exclaims in a very high pitch: ‘Oi Kaz!!! No!’_  
 _Karen gives him a confused and murderous look and Arthur and the host do not know how to react either. Seeing their expressions Matt puts on his most apologetic Doctor face and excuses himself: ‘It’s called marriage.’ The crowds erupt in a frenetic combination of applauses and ovations._

  
_Alex rolls her eyes, but smiles. She soon hears the host laughing as well: ‘Right, Doctor. We apologize for getting the chairs wrong… You are right. It’s called marriage, indeed. Ladies and gentleman, a round of applause to the Doctor’s wife, Alex Kingston – River Song!’ She enters the stage blowing kisses to the audience and then sits down in between Matt and Karen._

  
_‘Look at them all. Aren’t they making your Whovian hearts explode? They sure make mine. But as much as I enjoy dwelling in the past… I must admit that I quite adore the present. So with no further introduction, please welcome the Doctor’s companion!!! Clara. Oswin. Oswald. Portrayed by the one and only, Jenna Coleman!!!’_

  
_Alex starts clapping and cheering excitedly. She loves Jenna and winks to her when she passes by to take her seat. Matt looks at her as well and he cannot help but say: ‘Oi, Clara, my Clara! No kiss to your boyfriend?’_

  
_Jenna laughs and wants to say something but the host interrupts her: ‘Actually, you might be right. She definitely should greet her boyfriend: Samuel Anderson, everyone!’ Matt throws his arms in the air exasperated. Everyone laughs while Samuel waves to the audience, bends to place a kiss on Jenna’s cheek and sits next to her._

  
_‘We’re slowly getting at the end of our introductions. Can you feel the pulses rising in the room? Guys I can almost hear your hearts!!! Is it excitement… or maybe fear?’ the audience shouts that it is excitement and so do the actors sitting on the stage. The host however shakes her head and says: “I am afraid it should be fear… because the next one to join us is Michelle Gomez!!!’ Alex swears she will never be able to hear again after this evening._

  
_When the hysteria stop she can hear the crowd chanting: ‘Hey Missy you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey missy! Hey missy, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey missy! Hey Missy, you’re so fine, you’re so fine…’_

  
_The host hugs Michelle and demands: ‘Oh, look at the welcome you received. Come on, say something nice!’ everyone starts laughing, Michelle included._

  
_‘Something nice you say? Well here is something very nice I have in mind: PETER CAPALDI!’ without realizing when she stood up, or when everyone else just stood up, Alex finds herself cheering, clapping, and looking lovingly towards the current star of the show.’_

  
_The next ten minutes are a blur in Alex’s mind. She does not know when everyone on stage or in the audience calmed down. But somehow, through some sort of magic, everyone was quiet and eager to hear the most eccentric fan questions. It was going to be a long session, but it was well worth it. There were a lot of great questions and she remembers very well when John Simm called Michelle Gomez his ‘gorgeous self’ making everyone laugh, or when Christopher mocked Matt for being the only Doctor who did not get to joke around with ‘Are you my mummy?.’ Alex shook her head at Matt’s loud protests and unfair accusations that it was all Steven’s fault._

  
_After some other questions someone was addressing to her. She was asked whether River Song was going to return in series 9. Alex laughed and started delivering her famous catchphrases: ‘Oh you know… Spoilers, sweetie.’_

  
_The girl smiled and went all red: ‘I was sure you were going to say that. I didn’t actually want to know about series 9, I just wanted to hear you say spoilers! I love it when you do that… it’s just so… ah… you!” Everyone giggled. The girl waited for the redness to leave her cheeks and continued: “One more question… I know you and Matt have been dating for almost two years now, or more… but two years is what we know… So, ah, aren’t you very serious now? Aren’t you going to get married soon?’_

  
_Alex laughed a little too hard: ‘Oh, sweetheart, there is nothing serious in a relationship between a young man and a woman 20 years his senior. I’m still waiting for him to walk out. Marriage is so out of question. Don’t you think I am a bit out of his league?’ And then she laughed._

  
_She did not notice then, but she realizes now while rewinding the events in her mind. Alex sees the girl more clearly than she had during the Q &A and she can see her faking a smile. She sees Matt shifting uncomfortably in his seat, sees Jenna’s eyes become bigger than her face and Karen’s head shaking in disapproval._

  
_But there he is, her knight in shining armour. Matt jumps in to save the day, as usual. He grabs her hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing it slowly: ‘Yes, yes… she’s completely out of my league. Still working on it, though.’ Then the girl who asked the question really laughed, and she remembers herself genuinely smiling, completely ignorant to Matt’s annoyed expression and Karen’s angry eyes._

  
_The Q &A lasted for almost a couple of hours and when it was over they were all heading to the great after-party. No one mentioned the incident again for half of the night. She was completely unaware of the fact that Matt was very cross and slowly getting drunker than he’s been in a long time._

  
_She was talking to Jenna, Karen, Arthur, Peter and David when the ginge’ decided to bring up the topic again: ‘So, Alex… what was with the answer earlier?’_

  
_‘What answer sweetheart?’_

  
_‘Well, the one when you said you were out of Matt’s league and that you don’t treat seriously your relationship. It was pretty… rude.’ Karen accused._

  
_‘No, it was not. Come on, it is only the truth. Isn’t it?’ Matt spilled his whiskey back in the glass closing his eyes and feeling suddenly so full of anger. ‘I mean come on… I do love Matt, I do… really, with all my heart. But we cannot last. Of course this is not serious, who could blame him?’_

  
_‘I am glad your lives are over, because I could smack you so hard right now, you’d regenerate. Excuse me!’ Jenna turned her back and left the group. Karen looked at her leaving and then turned her attention back to Alex._

  
_‘Why are you still standing here like a bloody idiot? Go save your relationship if there is anything left to be saved! Jenna… wait for me!’ Karen turned her back as well and run to catch Jenna up. Alex’s memories become a blur. She just remembers noticing that Matt was no longer next to her. She ignored David’s and Peter’s looks of disapproval and went to find Matt. Why was he grabbing his coat? Where was he going?_

  
_‘Matt!!!’ she run after him and her heart stopped when she saw him getting into the car. He was fairly drunk. He could not drive in that condition. She tried to make him stop but she did not get to the car in time. She got the first taxi and texted to Karen to take care of her coat and bag. What has she done?_

  
‘ANSWER TO ME!’ she jumped at the sound of his voice. What was he saying? She’s allowed her mind to get filled with the memories of that night for some seconds and she did not hear what he asked her.

  
‘What… what, Matt? What should I answer?’

  
‘Why did you embarrass me in front of national television?!? And then in front of our friends and colleagues??? WHY? Tell you why??? Do you want me to tell you why? Because that is exactly what you believe about me and our relationship. You think I am just a child, so much below your level, so much unable to understand you and to take care of you. You think you’re so much better playing the victim and not letting anyone near you, not letting anyone through that Chinese wall you have as self-defense. But I gave you no reason to doubt me, Alex! And still… you’d never for one second given me the chance to prove myself worthy of your trust. And I tried and tried and tried… but it’s over. You waited for me to walk out? That’s what you said??? Well this is me freaking walking out! Get out of my way!

  
‘NO! No… NO! Please, no!’ Alex glued herself to the door.

  
‘Get out of my way, Alex!’ he repeated on a harsh tone.

  
‘No, no… I said no. You cannot go. You cannot leave me like this!’ she was already crying and barely speaking.

  
‘Oh, but I can.’ He closed the distance between them with a couple of steps and grabbed her arm taking her away from the door.

  
‘No. no. no… NO!’ she protested violently when he tried to open the door. ‘You cannot leave! This is your apartment.’

  
‘Oh, I know. But I am not a jerk big enough to kick you out in the streets in the middle of the night. Or am I, now? You have one week to get lost! Take every bloody item you possess out of my house! I don’t want to see a fingerprint of yours when I come back next week. Not even a string of curly hair on my carpets. Understood?’

  
‘Matthew… please… please…’ she was begging him through the tears, clinging to his clothes.

  
‘Get off me, Alexandra! It’s over!’ he pulled off and went towards the stairs.

  
‘Where are you even going, Matt?’ he could hear her cry. He turned for a second and gave her a look that could kill a weeping angel.

  
‘I’m just taking your advice, sweetie. I’ll go to shag a beautiful young girl.’


	2. That one friend who knows

When Alex woke up she felt hot tears falling down her cheeks. She took her phone just to check the date again. Yes, it was indeed the day when she was returning to the familiar BBC studious. The day River Song was back in the game. The day she’d step again in the Tardis and be magnificent! So magnificent! But it was also the day when she will be there and he won’t. Alex took a deep breath and went to brush her teeth. She dreaded this day for two weeks and a half now. Two weeks and a half – ever since he left.

 

Of course, they discussed her potential return and Matt agreed with a genuine smile. She wanted so much to play River again, but she would have refused the offer without second thoughts, if that had been Matt’s desire. But Matt encouraged her to go back to the show. Of course, he also promised to mock her constantly, to pretend to be jealous in order to extract favours and to make her play River for him. They laughed, oh how they laughed… But now what? What was she supposed to do now?

 

‘Here’s my beloved wife!’ Peter greeted her with a smile and kissed her hand softly. When did she arrive there? She could swear that one second she was brushing her teeth and the other… ‘I cannot wait to act with you, Ms. Kingston! You’re a dream, so I heard.’ She smiled and returned the compliment.

 

Everyone in the crew was more than happy to have her back. Steven was nearly jubilating around her and the rehearsal day went on smoothly. Alex was surprised to see how easily River interacted with the 12th Doctor and she was really enthusiastic to see them together on screen.

 

The day ended in the same blur it began. She was preparing to leave when someone grabbed her arm.

 

‘Hey. So, we didn’t get the chance to talk at all today. How are you, Alex?’ Jenna smiled to her.

 

‘Oh, I am very well, Jenna. Thank you. How are you, dear?’

 

‘Excited for this season. And scared… My last one. But it’s going to be one of the greatest, really! Alex, do you to grab a tea and some cake? Catching up?’ Jenna's smile was just too genuine to be refused, so Alex had no other option but follow her younger co-star to a nice and cozy cafeteria.

 

They chilled and chatted for a couple of hours and Alex suddenly felt more relaxed than she’d been in days! Somehow it felt so right being there with Jenna. Everything was in order right? I mean… Cardiff, Doctor Who, Jenna, Steven, River… all was going to be well, wasn’t it?

 

‘Alex?’

 

Alex shook her head realizing that she missed Jenna’s question. She excused herself explaining that she was getting a bit tired.

 

‘No worries. I just asked if all was well between you and Matt. Did you sort everything out?’

 

‘Me and Matt?’ she left her eyes down trying to block away the tears. Then she just smiled: ‘Of course we are alright. Why wouldn’t we?’

 

‘Well… because of the 10th anniversary party. He was pretty cross… and to be honest, so was I. I am sorry for snapping at you, Alex. It was none of my business, really. I regretted it ever since. You know it’s not in my behavior to do something like that. I don't know why I did it. Will you forgive me, please?’ Jenna rested her hand on Alex’s and looked at her with big shinny eyes. Alex tried to fake a smile, but she couldn’t and the tears started streaming down her face.

 

‘I have no idea where he is. He left me. You should not apologize… I should. You were right to be mad at me, everyone was right to be mad at me. I acted like an idiot and I… I just… he just left me.’ She covered her face with her hands.

 

‘Oh, Alex. Alex I am so sorry… I didn’t mean to… oh dear. What happened?’

 

Alex started confessing herself to Jenna, telling her about her insecurities and how she poured them onto Matt, slowly driving him away. She told the younger woman about the fight they had after the party, about how she left Matt’s flat as asked, about how he was not returning any of her calls, texts, or emails, about how she wanted so much to talk to him, to explain everything, to be honest to him and to her feelings, but she just did not know how…

 

‘And then I decided just to go, knock on his door and make him talk to me. Tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for everything. I had a full speech prepared, I really did. I just wanted to have a mature conversation with him. And then I went home… I mean, to his flat, and knocked a couple of times. There was no reply for a while, but I was determined to stay there until he would make an appearance. The door opened at some point and a grumpy face greeted me. A man in his late 40s most probably. He asked what my problem was… and when I asked about Matt, the man said that the previous owner had moved out. So he moved out! He just moved out, probably as soon as I left… I really cannot get hold of him. I am desperate and…’ she broke into crying again.

 

‘Oh, poor thing… Wish I could say something nice, to say that it is all his fault, but Alex… oh Alex, darling, you asked for it!’ Jenna’s eyes were full of regret and pitty. She wanted to help, she really did, but she had no idea how. ‘Maybe I can call him…’ Jenna quickly pulled her phone out of her bag.

 

‘NO! No… there’s no need for this. He knows I am here already, he will probably figure out the meaning of your call within seconds. I get it, he needs his space. So I will give him all the space he needs. I will be happy to resume our relationship, when he is ready… but if he is out for good, I must accept his decision as well.’ Jenna nodded and put the phone pack in her purse.

 

‘Jenna, one more thing before changing the subject…’

 

‘Anything Alex. What is it?’

 

‘If anyone asks, we are still happily together. I will not say otherwise until he does.’ Jenna nodded and changed the subject. There were so many things to be said about the scripts.

 

\-----

 

‘Isn’t my flat gorgeous, Kazza?’ he jumped on his new sofa and turned on the huge TV. ‘Doesn’t this look like a dream house to you? Have you seen my secret bar? Oh. No, no. I will not show you that or you will break in and rob me!’ he laughed loudly.

 

‘Yes, the flat is absolutely gorgeous. I envy this flat to moon and back! Honestly! It's brilliant! And I will definitely want to see that bar you're bragging about! I have rights, you know!!! I helped you unpack all your stupid boxes! Come on!!! Pour me some liquors, lad!’ Matt laughed again.

 

Their quiet night drinking turned into a massive party. So many people none of them knew. The following night the same. And the night after. And probably every night or every second night for some weeks until…

 

Karen stormed in Matt’s amazing new bedroom. She turned on the lights unashamedly. Matt was generously helping two young girls remove their clothes while they were kissing him simultaneously.

 

‘OI!!! Get lost the pair of yous!!! NOW!’ Karen intentionally broke a vase to the ground making the three players jump. ‘I said out the two of you. Now! Or I will make haggis out of your insides and eat you with chips!’

 

The two girls got extremely scared by the raging Scottish woman. They pulled their short dresses back on in a heartbeat and run out of the room and then the flat. Karen gave Matt the most murderous of looks. She slammed the door behind her without breaking eye-contact with her increasingly annoyed friend.

 

‘The hell was that, Matthew? What the bloody hell were you doing?’

 

‘Do I really need to spell it out for you? What are you five? I was about to have an amazing threesome with those two highly intelligent and sexy philosophy students.’

 

As soon as he finished the sentence he regretted it dearly because the ginger closed the distance between them with a quick run and was now pulling his hair so hardly that he could feel it breaking under her pressure.

 

‘You have two minutes to put your shirt back on and to zip your jeans and to come with the most apologetic face in the living room.’

 

‘But the party, Kaz…’ he tried to protest.

 

‘Oh, no worries. There will be no party in two minutes.’

 

Karen left the bedroom and scared everyone out within seconds. Then she sat on his sofa, with her legs and arms crossed waiting for him. Matt eventually joined her after 10 minutes or so. He sat next to her and took a deep breath.

 

‘I am so sorry, Karen.’

 

‘You should be. But I am not the one you should apologize to. Matthew, what were you thinking? Cheating on Alex like that? Man! Are you in your right mind?’ She looked angrily at him, but when she was him utterly broken, her voice softened and she hugged him. She could feel burning tears on her blouse.

 

‘It is one month today, one bloody month! Oh Kaz... I tried so hard, and for so long… I loved and adored her since the first second I laid eyes on her. I tried so hard… for year. For years!!!' Matt was crying like a child in Karen's arms.

 

'I remember when we had to kiss for the first time, for the Day of the Moon! It was better than Christmas and Halloween together! Better than all Christmases and Halloweens together! Oh and I tried so hard, and so desperately to be enough for her, to prove my love to her. I told her over and over and over again how I felt until she finally gave in. I thought that I managed to break all her insecurities and silly excuses. And we’ve been indeed happy for more than a year or so… but then in the past several months, she became more and more and MORE obsessed with the idea that I would leave eventually. She started treading our relationship like something temporary, something meant to end in not the very distant future. And I tried to make her understand that I would not leave. I sent her so many flowers to surprise her… took her places, spoiled her with soft toys and chocolate. I even started implying that I would want to marry her… you know… trying all my chances. But she would still go on and on and on with her stupid silly thoughts! Her stupid silly thoughts and stupid silly speech... She said it, the speech, I mean, in front of her parents and I felt like the Earth could just open and eat me on the spot! How could she say to her parents that she thought I would leave? Her dad wanted to murder me then and there! And she didn't even realize! She was just giggling in a fake manner. We had a huge fight after that as well, and I thought she understood. Because I swore on all my gods that I would never leave her! I thought she understood... why didn't she understand? Once Laura came over, we had a couple of drinks and Alex did it again. “I was only joking, darling…” she said. Joking, always joking about our relationship! Always joking. And then it became a national joke! Because the woman just joked about it live! On the biggest Q&A in the history of the show… live in cinemas across the country, live on national television! I just could not take it anymore. And when she mentioned it at the party, I just cracked… I cannot and do not want to fight her stubbornness and her determination at self-punishment anymore. I simply cannot.’

 

Karen was slowly rocking him in her arms while listening again to the same story she’s heard countless times in the past month.

 

‘I know Matt… I know, you hopeless man… but drinking and sleeping around is not the long-term solution to your problems. I knew that this day would come, the day when you’d be on the verge of making such a stupid mistake. To be honest, I am surprised it took you so long… but this is why I am still here, partying recklessly every day, for a full month, like a bloody teenager. I am here only to stop you from doing something you would regret dearly. I know you technically are no longer together, it wouldn’t have counted as real cheating… but it would have been real cheating in your own eyes, and your own mind. Waking up tomorrow next to a couple of, otherwise gorgeous, strangers would have just killed you…’

 

‘I know…’ he admitted breaking her embrace and wiping away his tears. ‘I really know… thanks, Kaz. Thank you for being here.'

 

'That's what friends are for.' She placed a kiss on his cheek.  

 

'So, what about stopping with the constant partying? I feel tired… I need to do something with my life.’ Matt said on a low voice.

 

‘Doing something with your life. That sounds like a great idea! What about grabbing the phone and calling the Kingston?’ Karen smiled and bribed him with the phone. She saw him battling a smile, but he did not smile. He just turned her offer down.

 

‘Come on, Matt! You need to talk to her. Give her the chance to explain.’

 

‘I gave her so many chances to explain. She always seems to be explaining and then I end up with a broken heart. I am so done with her explanations. I am done with her! For good, Karen. For good and forever!’

 

‘But Matt, this time is different. This time you delivered on your threats. You gave her a month to think about her mistakes. I am sure she really got your point now. Come on… I am so annoyed at the amount of messages she sends to you and the way in which she calls all the freaking time! It drives _me_ insane!!! How can you be immune to that? Come on… call her! Show her your amazing flat. Baptize it with love and sex!’ Karen proposed with a smile.

 

‘Shut up!’

 

Karen got her mocking expression: ‘Come on. I know you want it!’

 

‘Kaz, I got a new apartment exactly because I did not want to have images and memories of Alex around me. The whole point is NOT showing Alex the flat!’

 

Karen rolled her eyes extremely annoyed: ‘You cannot act like this! You need to talk to her. That is what mature people do! Not changing flats and ignoring calls. Gosh you are such a…’

 

‘DON’T you dare to say it!’ Matt cautioned her.

 

‘I am sorry. I didn’t mean it.' She rolled her eyes. 'Ok… your choice. You want this to be the end of it. Ok. I accept it. I will say no more about it. Bad mother as I am, I will always choose you over her. Now, off you pop. Get some sleep and figure your life out.’ Karen placed a kiss on his forehead.

 

‘I will go to write an email to Salome first. I promised to give her a review of a film.’ Matt spotted Karen’s confused look. ‘What? She does not know yet… apparently.’

 

‘Salome doesn’t know you and Alex are no longer together?’ Karen was really surprised. Alex would not usually lie to her daughter.

 

‘Well… I just assume with Alex filming for Doctor Who, she did not have the chance to got o the States. Maybe she did not want to break the news on Skype. So I decided not to get involved in Alex’s relationship with her daughter. Plus… no one actually knows. For some reason... I mean, I have the feeling Steven would have contacted me… Maybe she’s just lying not to make things awkward at the studio. It's her job, I don't want to get involved and ruin it. She really wanted to be River again so... Anyway. You haven’t told, have you?’ Karen shook her head. ‘Not even to Arthur, right?’

 

‘No Matt, to no one. I promised! Crossed my heart!’

 

‘Good. You know the rule: if anyone asks, we are still happily together. I will not say otherwise until she does.’ Karen rolled her eyes, but nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! See you on Sunday with the next chapter.


	3. We're actors! We'll just act!

His phone rang once. Twice. Three times. Matt covered his ears with the pillow. Maybe if he ignored the device for long enough, the bloody noise would just stop. Not a chance. Five minutes later and the phone was still ringing. Matt rolled his eyes and threw one pillow into the nearest wall. It had to be Karen! That ginge had absolutely no notion of giving up! Matt picked up his phone and answered it without even looking at the screen.

  
‘Yes Karen! What do you want? It’s a bloody Saturday morning! Just go back to bed!’

  
‘Morning? Maybe on another time zone! It’s freaking 2 p.m. in good old Britain! Why are you sleeping? Wake up! I am bored. I want to do something. And we will do something! So wake up! Don’t you just hate the end of summer? Nothing interesting ever happens in the end of August. Are you even listening to me, or you fell back asleep?’ Matt rolled his eyes wondering if that annoying person had a switch off button.

  
‘I fell back asleep.’ Said he grumpily.

  
‘Too bad. Focus! Because I have this idea. We should go to a party.’

  
‘Kaz, no offence intended, but you seldom have any other ideas. Can I put you on hold please? Until I wake up in a couple of hours or so? I can even put some sort of annoying music on a loop to keep you entertained while waiting.’ he heard her threatening laughter.

  
‘Haha, you do that and you’ll never wake up again! I don’t mean just a party. I mean a cool party. A fun party with fun people we love! Like the Doctor Who after-party. Because the 9th season will be out tonight and then they will have the usual after-party.’ Matt laughed as if he just heard the worst idea ever.

  
‘Kaz, we’re out! Sorry to break the news, you deluded child. We’re not in Doctor Who anymore. Not our show. Finito! We cannot go to the party! Come to your senses.’

  
‘Of course we can!’ she protested.

  
‘Who says that we can?’ he inquired.

  
‘Moff says. I called him, actually. I mean, I called him to invite myself to the party. Did not mention anything about you though…’ 

  
‘Good! Great! Let’s keep it this way. No need to mention me! I suddenly like you again. So, have fun. Good bye!’ he almost pressed the red button when she screamed in his ear.

  
‘DON’T! What I meant was that I did not have to ask about you. Steven just assumed you’d be Alex’s plus one. You know… she is actually still staring in the show? And you are still a couple in the eyes of the world.’ Karen could hear him jump off the bed and starting swearing.

  
What was he supposed to do? He had no idea about where Alex was, or what she was doing. He deliberately did everything he could in order to avoid her in the past… well, almost five months. What was he supposed to do now??? Was he supposed to admit that they were no longer together? Why would he? How could he, actually! Alex didn’t. Thus, he could not do it either! But the alternative was to go at the party and face her. How could he see her again after their separation incident which happened in such horrendous conditions? When he left he said some very heavy words. He said them because he knew they would hurt. And they did hurt her. Matt could swear he heard Alex's heart breaking when he stepped out of the flat and still he did not even blink.

  
‘Still there?’ Karen inquired in a sassy voice.

  
‘Right. Right… party. Well. Party it is. I suppose. Party, right. Right.’ He took in a deep breath. ‘Right. I’ll drive. Be here at 6 p.m.’

  
‘What? Are you serious? Are you sure?’ Karen did not intend for them to actually go to the party. She did not even phone Steven to invite herself. She just wanted to stress Matt again with the “Alex topic”, to offer him a bait. And as it appeared, he just jumped on it. Oh dear, Karen thought. Now he was in trouble.

  
\----

 

Since Karen was late as usual, they arrived in Cardiff only in time for the after-party, completely missing the episode. Matt was worried about what Alex could have said about his absence. But Steven and Peter seemed delighted to see him anyway and didn’t actually care about this fact. Matt smiled looking around. The producers hired the small and cozy pub they were usually using. Matt felt at home in there. A bit tense given the context, but nonetheless at home!

  
He looked around for Alex, but she was not there. He felt a rush of panic. What if she was not coming? How was he going to explain his presence then? And if Alex was late, it meant that the duty of coming up with a lie was his. Luckily enough, Karen was speaking too much and too fast and this demanded Steven’s and Peter’s full attention. For now at least, the two Scotsmen could not ask him about Alex. He had time to come up with something.

  
But where was she? What would she say? Matt spotted Jenna at the bar giving him a very confused look. She grabbed her phone from the bag and started texting to someone. Oh, that was just great! Matt rolled his eyes and made a mental note to self: apparently, Jenna was Alex’s Karen these days. He had to proceed with caution around her.

  
When Karen stopped her rambling for air, Peter took the opportunity to ask Matt:

  
‘So, where is our adorable wife?’ Matt initially replied only with a jealous grin and clenched his fist. Peter laughed. “Your wife... if it makes you feel better. Where is _your_ adorable wife?”

  
‘She’s…’ Matt looked to Karen for help, but when he found none, he continued: ‘She’s coming from the States. And I was actually with Karen up in Scotland, a little field trip to Inverness, that’s why we didn’t pick Alex from the airport. But she should be here any minute now, actually. She called me that she landed.’ Matt looked at his watch while delivering his lie. He seemed extremely convincing. Karen slowly rolled her eyes. This was going too far, she thought.

  
‘Oh! Speaking of the devil! Here she is!’ Peter exclaimed and started waving to Alex who was just entering the pub. Matt bit his lip for a short second, then he passed his fingers through his hair and turned to face the consequences of a lie that could blow up in his face any second now.

  
The instant he saw her, his heart started beating so fast his chest was hurting. Jenna stood up from the bar and looked at Karen. Karen looked back at Jenna and both of them bit their lower lip. Alex did not notice any of them, because she heard her phone beeping and was busy finding it in her pocket and taking off her scarf in the same time. Alex looked at the phone and read Jenna’s message:

  
 _“Heads up. Matt’s here. Why?”_ Alex raised her eyes from the phone and saw Matt. She immediately froze on the spot.

  
‘Here she is!!!’ Matt exclaimed making everyone look at him and thus not observing Alex’s reaction. ‘Peter, do you mind if I go first to kiss _our_ wife? No offence, though.’ Those who heard him just started laughing while Matt closed the distance between him and Alex.

  
Matt grabbed her curly head in his hands and pressed his lips on hers for several seconds. Alex stared at him unable to move. When he broke the kiss, he hugged her dearly to his chest and whispering in her ear:

  
‘You just came from the States, I was up in Inverness with Karen and could not take you from the airport.’ He felt her nodding and broke the embrace. Alex faked a smile.

  
‘Hello everyone! Sorry to be late. How was the episode?’ said she while taking off her jacket and leaving it on one of the chairs. They all just started talking and mingling around, having pints after pints.

  
No one felt any kind of tensions between Alex and Matt, because, for the unaware eyes of everyone, there were none!!!

  
However, Jenna noticed how Matt had placed his right arm around Alex’s waist as soon as she arrived. His embrace had something very possessive about it. Moreover, Matt did not break the physical contact with Alex throughout the evening. Knowing their situation, Jenna was surprised to see how he was using the party as an excuse to be as close to Alex as possible.

  
In what Alex was concerned, she just had her ‘I am a professional actress’-face on, which meant that most probably she was dying inside. Jenna decided she could not stand seeing them lying like that, so she avoided their company as much as possible. Karen shared her feelings, so the two younger women ended up spending most of the evening together, chatting.

  
The people in their conversation circle were always coming and going. Matt was grateful for that, because it meant he did not have to be alone with Alex. However, he knew that sooner or later they would have to leave the pub. He utterly dreaded the ride back to London. If there was going to be any ride. He had a few pints and did not want to drive. Maybe it was better that way, they could just go to a hotel and pick different rooms. Not returning to London that night meant that they did not have to talk to each other in a small space and also did not have to listen to Karen preaching to them. In the next morning, Matt could just take his car and Karen and just leave Alex be, make her own returning arrangements.

  
At some point Steven came to say good-bye. Matt greeted his former boss and for the first time in the night he let Alex go. The party was over. No need to pretend anymore. Exactly when Steven left, Karen joined them and faked a smile.

 

‘I’m going home. I am tired.’

  
‘What? No. Where are you going? You cannot just leave.’ Matt said in an almost panicked voice. Alex noticed the anxiety of his tone but did not say anything.

  
‘Of course I can. I had a few pints and you know beer can make me very sleepy. Plus, I want to watch the new episode of Who. Jenna has it on her memory stick and she invited me over. On top of that, I know how much you missed Alex when she was in the States, and I really think you too are looking forward to some catching up. ’ Karen winked with an utterly evil smile. Matt made a mental note to kill both her and Jenna next time he spoke to them. But in case anyone was listening in, Matt decided to keep the game on.

  
‘Sure, sure. Fine. Then we’ll talk later, Kaz. I also… I mean we. We also need to go. Right, Alex? You must be exhausted after the flight.’ Matt looked at her for a couple of seconds but then he just looked away, avoiding her hurt eyes.

  
‘Yes, darling. I really feel exhausted and I would like to go to bed.’ Matt swallowed at the sound of his nickname. 

 

They started saying their good-byes and before knowing they were leaving the pub. The two of them walked away, half a meter apart in complete uncomfortable silence until the pub was out of sight.

  
‘Ok. I guess you will go to the BBC flats. I’m off to a hotel. Good night.’ Matt turned without giving her a second glance and walked away. She did not say anything. She just watched him leave while she remained standing in the middle of the street. But she could not bear it:

  
‘Matt! Matt, please… just.’ She did not know what to say. What could she even tell him to make him stop? But to her surprise, he stopped and turned his head. She cleared her voice and tried to put her professional face on.

  
‘You… you’ll have to come to my flat. People could… see us not going together to the flat. They will start talking.’ She bit her lower lip and held her breath waiting for his answer. He did not say anything, but he walked back to her.

  
“For the sake of appearances only.” He declared. Alex nodded and they walked in the same awkward silence to her flat. Same silence again. Same silence that was slowly killing both of them.

  
When they arrived at the apartment Matt insisted to sleep on the sofa.

  
‘But Matt, don’t be ridiculous. You are too tall for that sofa, you will never sleep comfortably. Really… it’s not the first time we would sleep in the same bed.’

  
‘Alex, I said no. And a no is a no! You are not dragging me into your bed! I know you!’ he almost spilled the words. She rolled her eyes:

  
‘Matt, I don’t want to…’ he raised a hand to make her stop speaking.

  
‘You well know your effects on me. The lost puppy who cannot help himself but follow your orders. Those times are over Alex. And so are we! So stop insisting.’ Alex closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to hide away the pain, but she found the strength to say:

  
‘Then what was tonight all about? Why did you pretend we were still together? Why did you lie for five months?’

  
‘Trust me. I have my reasons.’ He replied. ‘Why did you pretend? I am not the only who accepted this game.’

  
‘I also had my reasons… Even only the chance of you kissing me or wrapping your arms around my waist are reasons strong enough to make me to accept the play pretend.’ Alex crossed her hands in front of her chest, hugging her heart with them, because her heart was physically hurting.

 

Matt could see the pain in her eyes and he needed all the will power in the world not to fall in his knees at her feet, begging her to take him back, to forgive him. But he remembered that it had all been her fault! Her fault! She was the one who needed to be forgiven and not the other way round.

  
‘Good night, Kingston.’ He took his shoes off and laid on the sofa, turning his back to her.

  
‘Tell me your reasons. I want to know your reasons… I told you mine. If this is a game, then show some fair-play attitude.’ She demanded on a soft voice. She was not ready to give up on trying to make him talk to her.

  
‘You’re a cover story.’ He said still with eyes closed and facing the back of the sofa.

 

‘A cover story?’ she could feel her voice on the verge of breaking. ‘What does that mean, a cover story?’

  
‘It means that…’

  
‘Matt, not that I want to be accused of being your mother again, but would you mind turning your face towards me? It’s slightly rude for you to speak to me with your back.’ She could hear him sniffing, but he rolled around to face her. She knew he was not trying to be rude, but to hide his face away from her. She knew it well, and that was why she wanted him to look into her eyes while telling about his "cover story". 

  
‘Thank you… you were saying?’ she was still standing there, in the middle of the living room, being very stiff, looking at how his body struggled to fit on the sofa.

  
‘I was saying that my reason for playing in the charade was… well, than I am using you as a cover story. Truth is, I have a girlfriend, and we are getting very serious… very serious. I love her!’ He underlined his every word and looked at Alex in the second her eyes failed to cover her feelings anymore.

 

‘And I actually wanted us to have the chance of getting to know each other, getting close to each other, without the paparazzi following my relationship status. I figured that since everyone got over us being a couple, got even bored and dis-interested with our relationship… well it was a perfect cover story to allow me to move around freely.’

 

By the time he finished his plea, Alex’s still face was covered in tears. She hugged her chest even tighter in order to keep herself standing. 

  
‘Good night, Matt.’ She turned to exit the room.

  
‘Can we continue this?’ he asked bluntly. ‘The charade, I mean. No one has to know. I could still use the cover story for some months, maybe one year, until me and… well, until we’re sure we should get married and we’re ready to go public.’

  
She turned to face him again with big red eyes. She could not believe his nerve.

 

‘And how exactly would we do that, the pretending?’

  
‘We’re actors. We’ll just act!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Auch! This does not look good, does it? I will post the next chapter on Wednesday. See you all then.


	4. Be my pal and tell me...

When Alex woke up the next morning, Matt was no longer on the sofa. She called Jenna to ask whether Karen was still with her. When Jenna confirmed that she was alone, Alex invited herself over for a coffee. Jenna was more than happy to have Alex for breakfast, especially considering the events of the previous night. In less than an hour, Alex was already knocking on her younger co-star’s door.

 

‘Alex! I am so glad to see you! Come in, please. The coffee is already in the living room. I also made pancakes! I have lots of bananas and strawberries, plus a full jar of Nutella that goes just heavenly with my French crepes.’ Jenna welcomed her colleague with a smile and a warm hug.

 

‘Morning. Oh Jenna, that’s just lovely! But now I am even sorrier for being so rude as to invite myself just like that. I just wanted to… I don’t know. See you.’

 

‘Don’t mention it, really! It’s my utter pleasure.’

 

The two women sat on the sofa and started drinking their coffees while eating delicious fruits and chocolate pancakes.

 

‘These are heaven, Jenna! Really… ah, so nice, so yum!'

 

‘Haha. Thank you. But now…’ Jenna said with half a smile. ‘Do you want us to do small talk first and then get to the real conversation… or better just skip the useless intros and tell me what happened?’

 

‘Yeah, I suppose there is no real need for chit-chats. Well… we got back together.’ Alex put on her best smile. Jenna looked at her and narrowed her eyes, putting the coffee mug on the table.

 

‘Alex, why are you even here if you’re going to lie to my face?’

 

‘What? No. What makes you think I’m lying?’ Alex kept on smiling, still abusing her best acting skills.

 

‘You’re here.’ Jenna replied simply.

 

Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

‘Jenna, be my pal and tell me, can I trust you and your acting skills?’ Alex looked at her with an extremely serious face.

 

‘I don’t know, Doctor… Song. Can you?’

 

‘I need a friend, a confident… I need someone to share my pain with. Because, Jenna… there’s going to be a lot of pain in the menu for me. And I cannot take it by myself. I cannot… I cannot.’ Alex’s eyes got filled with tears. Jenna looked at her absolutely petrified. What was going on with her and Matt?

 

‘Alex, what is going on? You really scare me, are you aware of this? Of course I can be here for you… if you need me. I promise. You know I love and respect you with all my being. But Alex, what is happening?’

 

‘First, you have to promise me that you will not tell to anyone else. And when I say anyone, I really mean it. Matt must not know that you are still aware of the fact that we’re separated. He made me promise that I will convince you otherwise and he is about to do the same with Karen. And he will. He will lie to Karen and she will buy it in an instant, sweet thing. Because that’s our Kazza, she will always believe the thing she wants so much to believe. Matt will keep his promise, but I know myself… and I will end up getting insane if I cannot cry this out to someone I trust.’

 

‘Alex! Now you are properly freaking me out! What happened?’ Jenna rushed her.

 

‘No, no… it’s not that bad. I am sure he does not perceive it as something bad… And it’s somehow my duty to help him, since I am the one who ruined our relationship. And he did not make me do anything, it was my choice. But you know… it hurts anyway.’ Alex looked at Jenna and when she saw the younger woman’s terrified eyes, added without further introduction: ‘Matt wants us to fake our relationship for the press, so that he would to be able to bond in silence with his new girlfriend.’

 

‘Matt has a girlfriend? Are you sure??? Oh heavens!’ Jenna exclaimed covering her mouth with both hands. Her big eyes looked petrified. ‘He wants to use you as a cover story? Alexandra Kingston! You are right! That is not bad! It is simply horrible! Horrible! How dare he? I will kill the bastard!’ Jenna stood up raging but Alex grabbed her hand. She looked at Jenna with begging eyes, squeezing her hand a little too strong.

 

‘No Jenna… No. Please! No! Please. Please! You have to pretend you know nothing. In public you have to look convinced by the fact that we are a happy couple! Please Jenna… please be my pal! I need your help to do this.’ Alex started crying and Jenna sat down again pulling her into a tight embrace.

 

‘Why are you doing this to yourself, Alex? Just why?’

 

‘Because I’m just like River Song… I live for the days when I see him, even though I know that every time that I do, he’ll be one step further away!’

 

Jenna rolled her eyes. Her heart was filled with sadness.

  

‘But what River did was not alright, Alex. You know that, right? Hiding her pain, her sorrow from the man she loved? That does not build a healthy relationship. One needs to receive quite as much as one gives. You cannot put a mask on for all your life just because you are scared of hurting and disappointing. No one is that strong! No one should be a machine in front of the person who owns one's heart.’

 

‘But we have no relationship, so I don’t have to worry that it is not healthy.’ Alex protested.

 

‘Even more to my point! In your case acting like River is even worse. Can't you see? This is why Matt will lie to Karen! Because hell knows that if he admitted his horrible deal to her, Karen would just make him reconsider his options in the most painful of ways. And she would be completely entitled to do that! This is sick! Just think about it. The game would eventually end, and what then, Alex, ha? Tell me. What will you do when Matt will stop the game? What if he is not careful? It takes one wrong move and one photographer at the right place. And then boom! You’ll be once again the gossip of everyone interested enough in laughing on your behalf. What about your image and career? And I am being shallow here! I ask about your image and career because I don’t even want to think about your mind and soul! What will you do if he gets married only a couple of months after you “break up”? What will you do then? How will you ever survive this? Is there any reason left in that pretty head of yours?’

 

‘Please don’t judge me. Please… this is not why I am here.’ Alex’s tears started rolling down her cheeks again.

 

'Alex, no. No. You got me wrong. I am not judging you. This is not me judging. This is me genuinely worrying about you. I feel sick only thinking of your ordeal. No one will make a saint out of you even if you act like a bloody martyr!'

 

Alex does not reply and there is a heavy silence between the two women for more than two minutes.

 

‘Why me?’ Jenna breaks the silence and looks at Alex. ‘Out of all your friends, all the people that know you so much better and for a far longer time. Why me? Why do you want me as your pal?’

 

Alex smiles through her tears: ‘Because you know Matt. Because you like Matt. You know how amazing he is, how utterly unable of hurting someone on purpose. And you can understand that I strongly believe he is not doing this out of revenge. He really needs my help. If he came up with this game, he really must love this girl. And I am happy for him. It had to be you, Jenna. I trust you with my secret… and I also trust that you will find it in your heart not to be too harsh towards Matt, not to hate him.’

 

‘Oh, Alex… I would not bet on that!’

 

‘Please, Jenna. Just please. Help me.’ Alex begged. Jenna closed her eyes and then hugged her ‘pal’.

 

‘I’m here, Alex. I’m here. I will collect the broken pieces of your heart and keep them safely in a jar until you are ready to build back the puzzle. I will be here for you, you have my word. But Alex… listen to me very carefully. Just because I accept this don’t you ever, not for one second, believe that I approve of it. Because I do not and I will constantly try to make you change your mind and stop before it’s too late. Understood?’

 

\---

 

It was October 28th, Matt’s birthday.

 

Roughly two months since Alex agreed to Matt’s deal. And there she was, in his new apartment baking him a cake and preparing the table tor his birthday dinner. In those past two months they met several times in order to attend social events or to meet friends. Every time their evenings followed the same scenario: as long as they were alone Matt was as cold as the iceberg that sank the Titanic, but once someone was watching he turned into the most loving partner. Most of the times he was so careful and sweet that he even made her forget that they were actors, and they were just acting… just acting.

 

She could hear the sound of keys unlocking the door. He was home. Her heart started beating two times faster. She tried to focus back on the cake and she pretended not to hear him entering the kitchen.

 

‘What are you doing here?’

 

Alex startled.

 

‘Ah! You scared me! Well, I arrived early, as you said. Remember? You called me to tell me I should be here a couple of hours before the dinner in order to place pictures of us and traces of me around and about, so we could pretend I live here?’

 

Matt rolled his eyes. He felt like a jerk.

 

‘Yes, I do… But I meant what are you doing here, as in the kitchen?’

 

‘Well. I am baking you a cake.’ Alex looked down and turned her back to him, pretending to work on the cake’s decoration. Matt closed his eyes and smiled sadly. Oh how he wanted to jump on her! Just half an hour more, he thought. Just half an hour more and he will be able to wrap his arms around her and kiss her wonderful lips and cheeks!

 

‘Okay, suit yourself. I will go to get dressed!’ he left the kitchen without saying anything else. Alex needed all her power not to start crying. She could not afford having red eyes when the guests arrived.

 

By the time Matt finished his shower, Karen and Arthur were already there, waiting for him in the living room and chatting with Alex. Matt greeted them with a smile and hugged his friends. Alex looked at him and his ‘River Song’ t-shirt. Was it really necessary, she thought? Out of all his silly tees, he had to wear the River Song one. That was just great, she thought sarcastically.

 

‘Love the t-shirt!’ Karen laughed while she and Arthur handed the presents. Matt got really excited and almost opened them on the spot.

 

‘NO!’ shouted Karen. ‘You have to wait till the cake, when all the presents are here!’

 

‘The cake!!!’ Matt exclaimed extremely excited. ‘The cake will be magnificent! Alex made it all by herself!’ Matt put his presents down and threw himself on the sofa pulling Alex into his arms and starting kissing her face with short and fast kisses. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! I cannot wait to eat the cake or you, or both!’ Alex started giggling and kissed him back.

 

‘Oh you two! You melt my heart! Ah, the joy!’ Karen pretended to wipe off a tear. ‘Hey fake-husband of mine! Look how happy our fake-daughter is!’

 

Alex smiled thinking: _‘How fake-happy your fake-daughter is.’_ But then she banished the thought from her mind. She would not think about it now! The only thing she should think about was how to make the most of her evening.

 

The apartment slowly got packed with friends. Matt was like an excited child taking care of gathering all his presents together and looking forward to the moment when he had to open them. He also took his time to play with Alex extensively. He tried not to be away from her for more than a couple of minutes in a row. He was constantly tickling her, or spinning her in his arms, or dancing with her, or rocking her on his knees while sitting at the table. Alex was laughing all the time.

 

At some point during the dinner, she was sitting on his lap, arms tightly around his neck, very possessive. He was talking to Steven about a fictive scenario when the Doctor saves Sherlock from his suicide attempt. Alex was listening to the sound of his voice finding comfort in its rhythm. She constantly smiled while they were sitting like that, cheek on cheek. She turned her face towards him and placed her nose on his cheek doing a small Eskimo kiss. Everyone except Jenna melted at her gesture. Jenna just closed her eyes; she figured it was better to do that that to roll them over with an exasperated face.

 

‘Oh, you two! You look like a pair of teenagers! Do you even realize that? Haven’t seen you so in love before. I mean yes, I’ve seen you loving each other for years, but not actually _in love_ … properly desperate to enjoy every second spent together. What’s with all the public display of affection?’ Steven joked at them. Matt laughed very naturally.

 

‘Oh, Steven, you know, everyday life it’s so exhausting and stressful that when I have the chance to relax during a cozy evening like this, I cannot help but pour onto my beloved partner all the love I restrain otherwise.’

 

‘Ow… this is so cute of you, my cheeky boy. But do you actually mean it?’ Alex inquired.

 

‘Of course I mean it, you adorable being!’ he pressed a kiss on her cheek. ‘I love you more than life itself. How can you doubt it? Do I look like acting to you?’

 

Jenna felt the rush of punching them both. But she said nothing. Alex smiled with a shadow of sadness and did not say anything anymore. Acting or not, she still had a couple of hours with him near her and she was determined to make the most of it!

 

But those hours passed before she could blink twice and soon she found herself gathering the dishes from the dining room and taking them to the kitchen. After everyone left, Matt muttered a thank you and disappeared in his room. Alex decided to stay a bit more and help him with the cleaning.

 

‘Are you still here?’ he asked entering the kitchen.

 

‘Yes. Do you mind? I thought I could help with the dishes.’ She looked at him and tried to smile, but her attempt failed when she saw he was dressed to go out. No more ‘River Song’ t-shirt. ‘Are you… going out?’

 

‘You don’t have to do the dishes, really. It’s not in the deal or anything. But thanks for offering though.’ He looked at her with blank eyes. ‘And yes. I am going out. The dinner was amazing and I had a lot of fun with my friends. But there is actually someone else I really want to spend the rest of my birthday with.’

 

Alex closed her eyes for a second too long. She felt physically sick. Matt noticed and turned around automatically, muttering a sort of goodbye. Alex followed him outside the kitchen.

 

‘Matt!’

 

He stopped and turned to look at her while putting his jacket on. ‘Yes?’

 

‘What’s her name?’

 

‘My girlfriend’s name?’ he asked on a quiet voice. She nodded, being unable to speak, knowing her voice would simply break. ‘Alexandra.’

 

Alex rolled her eyes. ‘Fine. Don’t tell me, if you don't want to. It’s none of my business.’

 

‘No. I meant it. Her name is Alexandra.’ Matt saw her confused look. ‘Sorry Kingston, but you don’t actually own the name. It’s a fairly popular one, actually. I’m off. How do I look?’

 

Alex smiled genuinely: ‘Amazing.’

 

‘I’d better be.’

 

‘Yes, you’d better be.’

 

Matt returned her smile, said goodbye and left.

 

The second the door closed, Alex collapsed on the floor. She pulled the phone out of her pocket and dialed a number.

 

‘You broken yet?’

 

‘Jenna… can you please come back?’ Alex asked with tears streaming down her face.

 

‘I’ll be there in five. I didn’t even leave the neighborhood. Wish I could say I did not expect this phone-call.’

 

Alex did not reply to that. In less than 10 minutes Jenna was entering Matt’s flat. Alex was still there, sitting on the floor, back to the wall, with her knees to her chest, crying her soul out. Tears stared falling down Jenna’s face when she saw the way in which her friend was sobbing. Alex’s golden curls were bouncing up and down because of her uncontrollable spasms.

 

Jenna kneeled in front of Alex, opened her arms and dragged her into a tight hug. She started caressing the golden curls, whispering slow words in Alex’s ear. Jenna looked at how miserable Alex was and all she could think about was the way in which the very same Alex was laughing and giggling in Matt’s arms no longer than an hour ago. That simply broke Jenna’s heart.

 

They were actors. They were just acting! That’s what Alex kept on telling her. Maybe Matt was acting, Jenna thought, but in the two months since the notorious deal started, since she and Alex were ‘pals’, she hadn’t seen Alex acting at all. Alex was just being herself: she was ecstatic when she was with him, and she was devastated when she was left on her own; all the time, all in the game, trying to get out of him as much as she possibly could… hopelessly and desperately loving him and bitterly hating herself for ruining it all (again).


	5. Second thoughts...

It was awfully early in the morning when Matt’s phone started ringing. He did not even protest and picked up the device with a smile because he recognized the personalized theme song.

 

‘Yes?’ he was obviously half asleep, but he wanted to hear her voice. He was so pleased to hear her. Her voice was like a _song_ for his ears… a perfect _melody_. Matt felt like laughing at his mind’s silly pun, but her low and weary voice made his smile froze.

 

‘Matt, we need to talk!’

 

_‘Hmm… whom are you talking to? Is the sun even up for heaven’s sake?’_

 

Alex could hear the grumpy morning voice of a woman through the phone. Her heart stopped and she felt sick in her stomach.

 

‘It’s Alex.’ Matt stood up from his bed automatically.

 

_‘Okay. Say hi from me and please leave the room. I am still trying to sleep!’_

 

Matt didn’t wait to be asked twice and left the bedroom closing the door behind him.

 

‘Are you ok? Did something happen?’

 

‘Was that her?’ Alex asked before she could stop herself.

 

‘Yes. Never mind her. You said we need to talk… is everything alright?’ Matt tried not to sound worried but he was not sure he managed to.

 

Alex’s tears started falling down her cheeks in silence. Somewhere in the back of her mind she's always tried to convince herself that this girlfriend was not real. But there she was, in bed, next to him. As real as her grumpy morning voice. Maybe it was for the best this way, she tried to persuade herself. When she spoke her voice was incredibly stable and assertive. She actually surprised herself with that power of self-control. 

 

‘I am sorry Matt, but I think we should end the deal.’ She confessed.

 

Matt almost dropped the coffee mug he grabbed in order to prepare his morning potion. What was she saying? No, no. She couldn’t just do that! No!

 

‘What? No. What? Why would we do that?’ He managed to mumble incoherently.

 

‘My Christmas plans changed…’ she started but soon he could not hear her anymore lost in his own mind. Matt grabbed his head into his hands. He felt sick. A sudden rush of panic invaded his body. What has he done? Now he would really lose her! What has he done??? What if she had a guy? A guy she wanted to spend Christmas with? If Alex had a guy he would just... Matt looked at the table and felt like banging his fists on it. Oh but he couldn't because if Alex really had a guy, if she stopped loving him... then he definitely deserved it. Completely and totally deserved it. Matt knew he did, but he still could not bear the thought of it.

 

‘In… in what way, Alex?’ he tried to inquire as casual as possible – failing terribly.

 

‘Matt, please not now. I am being serious here. Please follow what I am saying! I said that you know I was about to go home to spend Christmas with Salome, the two of us. But she suddenly started insisting that she wanted so much for you to join us, saying that she felt guilty that the two of us had to spend the holidays apart because of her. It was just impossible for me to persuade the stubborn teenager that you will anyway be too busy with your projects and filming and we would not have time to enjoy the vacations. Stubborn cookie that girl! Now she came up with the idea of coming over. And she keeps on arguing on it. She said she wanted to spend her Christmas in Britain with us… I said I will discuss the matter with you and think about it. I really don’t want to lie on my daughter anymore. I just called to see how we’re going to synchronize our stories in order to go public with the break-up.’

 

‘No! What? This was it?’ Matt collapsed on the nearest chair, filled with relief. He started smiling like crazy. He adored that child! Oh, and he thought she was calling with bad news. ‘Alex, breath. Seriously. Don’t be silly. We don’t need to break up. We can totally do that! I would love to spend my Christmas with Salome…’ _a_ _nd you_ , he added in his mind.

 

‘What? You cannot be serious. Matt this is not a ga…’

 

‘No. It’s not a game! I definitely mean it, Kingston! I love the poppet and I miss her dearly.’ Matt closed his eyes smiling. Christmas. Christmas. Christmas. Was Christmas there yet? He could not wait for Christmas!

 

‘But, I am sure you had other plans… with Alexandra.’ Alex said trying not to spill the words. ‘Wouldn’t it be at least nice to ask her about…’

 

‘That’s not yours to worry. She will understand. The only reason I am doing all this is because she wants me to. It was her idea! I would have never come up with something like that. But… well, if you really want to know, due to your show at the Q&A, she has quite a few insecurities about my commitment abilities. I am in what one may call a trial period. She wants to do it this way, until she is completely sure in her heart that I would never leave her. Here you go. Now you know my reasons. If you think I am enjoying living a double life, you are more than wrong.’

 

‘Matt… I had no idea. I am so sorry. Matt, I shouldn’t have said those things. Trust me I regret them dearly. And they were not what I actually… thought of you, and us.’ She felt the need to finally talk to him about that. She still remembered her speech. She still wanted to deliver it. To talk to him. But no, they were not talking, not communicating. They were just… acting. Matt did not share her desire of discussing and it became clear when he suddenly cut her words:

 

‘Never mind. Forget about it. It’s all in the past. Now I have to focus on the future… and if my future wants me to do this, I will do this. I might not enjoy the game in itself, but I swear to you I will adore our little Christmas.’

 

‘Ok, I will take your word for it. Thank you so much, Matt. Thank you. I really appreciate it.’ She said in quite a sad voice.

 

‘No worries. The charade goes both ways and as far as I recall, in the past months since we started the deal, it’s only been me booty-calling you. It’s only fair I would return the favors.’

 

Alex smiled. That was the most civil conversation they’ve had since March without counting the play-pretend game.

 

‘So, when are you moving in?’

 

‘Excuse you?’ she said quite shocked.

 

‘Well, you have to properly move in. I suppose Salome will be here for at least one week, and you know she is very observant. We cannot just hang a couple of pictures in the living room as we do when people come around. You need to bring all your clothes and the things you know Salome would expect to see.’

 

Alex nodded, but her heart was crumbling. She could remember the day she really moved in with him, all that time ago. Oh, that perfect day. The fun they had, his unimaginable joy, his useless attempts of helping her redecorate. The game was going to be the death of her, she thought. Their conversation didn’t last more than a couple of minutes more. They discussed arrangements of a very subtle moving in and said their goodbyes.

 

Matt made his coffee, got some chocolate out of his secret place and started enjoying his morning treats with the widest possible smile on his face. He was so lost in his dreams that he did not notice when she entered the kitchen.

 

‘Earth to Matt!!!’ she said in a grumpy voice. Matt startled.

 

‘Sorry. Did not notice you were up already. Jet lag much?’

 

‘Very much. My head is still spinning.’

 

‘I am sure it is. You slept for nearly 17 hours. Coffee?’

 

‘Yes, please. I decided to take the train to Scotland early this afternoon. I really miss being there and London is too fuzzy for shopping. So how’s my daughter doing? She enjoying her weekend with her parents?’ Karen asked grabbing a mug out from the cupboard. She then made her coffee, sat down and started listening to Matt's overjoyed story about Christmas and New Year. She was just nodding without saying anything. She let him speak until she finished her coffee. She did not say a single word. He should have taken it as a sign. Karen is never that quiet.

 

‘What are you doing to her, you bastard?’ she asked in the angriest voice possible.

 

‘Excuse you?’

 

‘Did you lie to me? Did you ever get back together, you and Alex? Are you playing some sort of game with her, with everyone?’ she inquired and Matt started shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

 

‘I don’t know what are you talking about, Kaz.’ He tried to joke to her.

 

‘Matthew. If I stand up from this chair right now and get to you, you will curse your days! Do you think I am stupid? I might have been dead tired when you picked me from the airport, I might have slept for ages, I might be clueless every now and then… but I wanted to get a towel to go have shower. Where exactly does Alex keep her clothes in this house? What is going on? Tell me the truth, do not skip a single detail, or I will swear you will never hear from me again.’

 

Matt put his eyes down and started confessing everything. Karen’s silence was hard to bear. The air in the kitchen soon became impossible to breath. The atmosphere was heavy. Very heavy. When Matt finished his story, Karen slowly stood up and closed the gap between them in what seemed to take ages. Matt was absolutely terrified. It was one thing to deal with a noisy angry Karen, but to deal with a calm Karen that had extreme amounts of internalized anger was terrifying. She looked into his eyes. Taller than him, since he was sitting. The way in which she was looking at him could kill a stone. Karen just slapped him across the face. Matt didn’t even flinch. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before opening them again. One more moment of silence. and a deep look into his eyes and then Matt could feel his other cheek burning from another slap.

 

‘You repel me.’

 

‘Kaz…’ Matt broke into tears. He covered his face with his hands. Yes. Karen was right. He felt disgust with himself as well. 

 

‘Remember when I said I would always choose you over her? You’re alone in this Matt. You lied to me on purpose because you knew I was probably the only one who could have put some sense into you. This is what makes me even more furious. You did it consciously. You did it on purpose, Matt!!! You have until January 1st to fix this, or I will make sure the world finds out what sort of asshole you really are. I hope that you are aware of the fact that Alex will never forgive you. What happened to you, Matt? How could I have been so wrong about someone? You were my favourite person.’ 

 

\-----

 

Salome was landing on December 22nd, at noon. Both of them went to pick her up from the airport. They were completely silent on their way to the airport. Matt was rewinding his conversation with Karen. He was starting to realize the kind of mess he got himself into. And the revelation made him anxious. He did not know what to do, did not know how to stop the game. He wanted to stop it! 

 

In the second Salome join them, Matt put his worries aside and metamorphosed into his adorable and active self. They spent an amazing day together in the flat, hanging the Christmas decorations and making the Christmas tree. Alex enjoyed every second of the day. She loved having her daughter with her! Nothing could ever compare to that. She thought about how she’s been away from her daughter for more than 3 months, time in which Alex’s life had mostly been hell. A living hell! Alex needed her daughter there to help her soul heal… she needed her daughter’s laughter and hugs, and she needed Matt’s loving caresses. Yes, she was very much aware of the fact that Matt was the very reason for which she was so hurt and emotionally unstable, but she just could not help herself. She just had to give in… it was her only medicine.

 

It was already past 11p.m. and the three of them were drinking mulled apple juice with cinnamon in the living room, relaxing, enjoying some Christmas carols and watching cartoons. Matt was sitting on the sofa and Alex was lying in his arms. He was holding her tightly breathing exclusively in her hair. Every now and then, he was caressing her ear or cheek with his nose. He had one arm around her waist, drawing small circles on her belly. They were incredibly adorable, Salome thought. She finished her tea and put her iPad aside standing up.

 

‘I will go and shower and let the pair of you cuddle.’ Salome giggled. Alex’s heart skipped a beat in the bad way and she almost protested out loud, but managed somehow to stop herself and nod. She had her reasons not to want to be alone with Matt and she was right. As soon as Salome was in shower, Matt stood up, leaving Alex alone on the sofa.

 

‘Matt…’ she said painfully. ‘Can you at least pretend full time during these holidays? It’s really hard changing moods like this!’

 

Matt did not reply and avoided her eyes, saying: ‘You are not going to sleep in my bed.’

 

‘What?’ Alex stood up looking at him as if she could not understand the meaning of his words.

 

‘You will not sleep in my bed with me, Kingston.' _He had to stop. He had to stop! STOP! Just tell her the truth, you idiot!_ 'You should sleep with Salome.’

 

‘Are you insane? How is that even going to work? She will never buy it, you’ll ruin our cover story.’

 

‘You will figure out something.’ He said shaking his head. He could not stop. He could not stop because Karen was right. In the second their game would end, he would lose Alex for real. He could not afford that. He had his second thoughts, but not anymore. The game was on and had to stay on! It absolutely had to stay on!

 

‘Alexandra wants it this way. Sorry. And I cannot pretend full time. Because this thing we are doing is very wrong… makes me feel very bad and awfully guilty.’

 

Alex did not say anything anymore. She nodded and tried to understand him. She suddenly felt very selfish. She only thought about herself and her pain, but what about him? Poor thing had to put up with her when his heart and mind where elsewhere... 

 

After Salome went out of the shower and got into her pajamas, she returned to the living room just to find the two of them scrolling their phones.

 

‘Here she is!’ Alex exclaimed. ‘Liebling, I will sleep with you these days.’

 

‘What???’ the teenager protested.

 

‘I know… I asked her the same!’ Matt stressed rolling his eyes. Alex made a mental note to kill him as soon as she stopped loving him.

 

‘I will not take a no for an answer. So please stop it the pair of yous! I feel terribly guilty for spending so little time with you this year. I was so busy with my work here, both filming and theatre. I just want to be close to you, my baby. I am spending enough time with Matt!’

 

‘But mom, it’s ok… really… chillax!’ the teenager laughed.

 

‘No. No. I really cannot… I am an awful mother. I wasn’t even there for your birthday this year. I really feel so bad… please.’

 

‘Mom. Stop it with the birthday! I did not get mad or anything. I know you were busy. Come on. My birthday was just two days after the Who anniversary! Are you serious? I have a birthday every year! But it’s only once that such a massive reunion happens. The fangirl in me needed to see you there! Really!!! OMG. It was massive!!!! Ah!!!!’ Salome collapsed on the armchair getting her knees up to her chest in an over-dramatic over-fangirly gesture of delight.

 

‘But OMG MOM!’ she stood up in a heartbeat. ‘You were such a bitc... star, star, star! The thing you said about Matt was absolutely awful. Really! I was so scared… I thought you would break up.’ Alex lowered her eyes and Matt faked a smile blinking way too often. The teenager continued without paying attention to the adults’ body language. ‘I would have just dumped you there and then, on national television! You really deserved that. But as Matt is such a gentleman… I supposed he would have settled for dumping you at home!’

 

‘Hm, then I suppose I am just lucky that Matt is such a darling… always keeping the moral high ground.’

 

Matt felt the blade of her words right in his heart! He dragged her into his arms and buried his face into her hair. Karen’s words were spinning in his head and he felt like crying. He could hear only one single thought in his mind, repeating itself without stopping: _I am so sorry, my love! I am so sorry. So sorry, Alex…_

 

‘We will never break up, poppet. I cannot live without your mother! She knows I love her more than life itself.’ Matt squeezed her in his arms placing a kiss on her cheek. Alex could barely hold back her tears.


	6. A River I wouldn't dare to cross!

Alex was in the subway, quite annoyed. Who calls on December 23rd to tell you to go to an audition on Christmas Eve? Were they serious? But she just had to go, no matter how annoyed and sad she was to waste a day out of the anyway few ones she had with Matt and her daughter. She knew that the opportunity was great and that she was most likely to get the part. Eventually, with a roll of eyes, she just had to go.

 

‘Don’t even worry about us, mom!’ her daughter insisted. ‘We are going to have the best of days… we have a plan. I mean, Matty has the best of plans! Oh, you will see! You’ll see! We’ll be everywhere. Check your internet.’ Salome laughed.

 

Alex demanded some explanations but the teenager just laughed in her face and run to her room declaring that her lips were sealed. Alex still demanded answers though! She wanted to know what on earth Salome was talking about. What plans did they have for that day? What internet? She entered Matt’s bedroom without knocking:

 

‘Matt I must go to the audition, but now I am worried because of something Sal said. What did she mean with…’

 

Alex stopped when she saw him walking out of his bathroom, with only the towel wrapped around him, and water still dripping out of his hair. Her mind stopped functioning altogether and all she could see was him and his bed. Alex closed her eyes for a second and memories of their many nights flashed in her mind. Matt looked her and bit his lower lip. Then with small evil eyes and a low sensual voice he asked:

 

'Seeing something you like, Kingston?' Alex shook her head, and fluttered her hand before turning around and leaving the room.

 

'I have an audition! Bye!'

 

Oh, bad idea to think about that incident, Alex! She realized a second too late that she missed her underground station. Now she had to go back! She rolled her eyes in annoyance. She felt an uncomfortable sensation in her body and she knew exactly what that was, what it meant, and what she needed. What she needed and what she could not get! Focus now! She tried to ignore all her thoughts and think about her audition. Remember how you’re an actress Alex, and you should act?

 

\---

 

Someone buzzed the door-bell. Matt jumped off the sofa and run to open the door tripping over stuff.

 

‘SALOME!!! They’re here!!! The game is on!!!’ He started shouting around extremely excited. The teenager came out of her room running and jumping.

 

‘THIS IS A DREAM! This cannot be real! Are we really going to do this???’

 

‘You can bet we are! Now. Off you pop to your room. See you tomorrow, Salome?’ He winked at her.

 

‘See you tomorrow, Matty!’

 

The two spent around half an hour in their rooms. Matt was the first one to finish and then went in the living room throwing himself on the sofa. In several minutes a young girl entered the room. She was dressed in a pink vintage dress, wearing a denim jacket on top. Her blond hair was pulled up in a retro beehive and accessorized with a pink headband. Matt straightened his bow tie and stood up smiling at her, while flapping his hands about.

 

‘Oh… Rose Tyler!’

 

‘Hello, Doctor! Long time not seen! What’s with the bow tie?’

 

Matt proudly touched his bow tie: ‘I wear bow ties now. Bow ties are cool!’

 

She smiled and rolled her eyes: ‘No… they really are not.’

 

‘Hm, but they are though.’ He opened his arms: ‘Now, don’t be rude and come here you!’ She run into his arms laughing in excitement. He hugged her, lifted her in his arms and started spinning her around! Then he put her down and placed a kiss on her forehead.

 

‘So, Rose? What about some late Christmas shopping?’

 

The two left the flat and walked to the nearest shopping center. The place was incredibly crowded and it didn’t take long for them to attract all the attention. In all honesty, they had no intention of keeping a low profile. They were loud and very obvious as if they were screaming: ‘We just want to see the world burn!’ They were however pretending not to pay attention to the fuss they were creating all around.

 

The tweets with #11&rose started pouring. Sooner than they could say ‘Geronimo!’ they were trending on all social media!

 

After about one hour and 4 bags of presents, the two were waiting for the lifts to go upstairs to the Build-a-Bear shop. None of them was paying attention, since they were too busy talking about stuffed animals and how they would create their fluffy new companions. When the doors of the lift opened and they tried to step in, they were shocked to be faced with three Daleks screaming: ‘EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!’

 

The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand: ‘Basically… RUN!’

 

The two of them started running with the three machines not far behind them. Salome kept on looking behind, unable to believe her eyes!

 

‘We need a shop big enough for them to lose our tracks among piles of clothes!’

 

‘Doctor! Primark!’ the Doctor looked to his left, where she indicated. Yes, yes, he thought! Primark would do. For the next five minutes the Doctor and Rose Tylor were running up and down Primark trying to escape the three Daleks that still seemed somehow able to track them. They did not manage to escape until they started throwing clothes around creating an utter mess and blocking the Daleks’ path. They left the shop through the other entrance, arriving on a completely different wing of the shopping center. After running for a couple more minutes, the two hid behind a large commercial banner. Salome leaned on the wall.

 

‘Were those for real?’

 

‘Oh, Rose Tyler!’ he poked her nose. ‘Daleks, my dear, are always for real!’

 

‘But I burnt them all…’ she complained.

 

‘Oh Rose. Rule #10: Daleks always find a way to come back!’

 

‘Do you think we’re safe enough now? Is the planet safe? Should we stop them or anything? Because, to be honest… It’s Christmas Eve! I still want to finish shopping before being exterminated!’

 

‘Oh, Rose, Rose!’ the Doctor rolled his eyes laughing. ‘Haven’t you heard? London is the worst place to be on Christmas Eve! It’s just an unfortunate chain of coincidences that it often gets attacked by aliens!’

 

‘Not listening. Shopping!’ she left their little hiding place and found herself once again in the large corridor of the shopping center. The Doctor followed her, but they didn't even have time to enter a single shop, because they noticed that from every single window along the corridor a Silent was staring at them.

 

‘DOCTOR!’ Rose shouted pointing fingers at the creatures that were slowly leaving their positions and walking towards them. ‘What are those???’

 

‘Arrgh… complicated… complicated! They are a religious movement called the Silence and… let’s just say they want my head, like everyone else pretty much! Now shut up and RUN! Don’t stop until you forget why we were running in the first place… then it’s kind of safe to stop!’

 

Rose nodded, grabbed his hand and the two started running. The whole shopping center was confused and in the same time fascinated with the show they were witnessing. None of them actually knew what was going on, and they definitely had no idea who the girl dressed up like Rose Tyler was. They were pretty positive that the Doctor was indeed Matt Smith. There was no doubt about that. But who was Rose Tyler?

 

At some point Salome stopped running, being short of breath. She put a hand on her tummy breathing heavily. ‘Why were we running, Doctor?’

 

‘Daleks?’

 

‘No. We defeated the Daleks and now they are force into doing community service and cleaning up the mess in Primark.’

 

‘Did we? That’s good. Community service will do good to them. Then I suppose we might have had an encounter…'

 

‘An alien encounter?’ she teased him.

 

‘Something like that. Are you ok, Rose?’ he placed a hand on her shoulder smiling.

 

'Yes, I am fantastic! I love running with you, Doct…’ 

 

Her line was interrupted by a highly irritated voice: ‘Do you now?’

 

The two of them turned around to follow the sound which somehow managed to distinguish itself in the noisy atmosphere of shopping center. A woman with extremely tight trousers, long brown boots, white jacket and brown belt… ah, and massive curly hair! was staring at them with her arms crossed. The look on her face was nearly mad!

 

The Doctor turned in slow motion to face his companion, and Rose looked at him with a worried face:

 

‘Doctor… forget the Daleks or the Silents! NOW we are really in trouble!’

 

‘Tell me about it! RUN ROSE! Run for your life!’

 

The running started again and this time the two protagonists of the shopping center freak show seemed indeed worried. Matt rethought his plan while running like crazy. No. Definitely not his idea! Getting Salome dressed up in the actual clothes and with the actual make-up Billie wore for Rose Tyler in the Idiot’s Lantern? Yes, he might have called and persuaded Steven. Getting the Scotsman to agree on sending proper Daleks, Silents and ah yes… Cybermen should be somewhere there as well! Yes, yes. That was definitely in his plan! Creating a fiasco out of the busy late-for-Christmas shopping day? Playing the Doctor in public and offering the most amazing and fun Christmas Eve experience to Salome? Yes! Totally his plan! Making the news on every social media and expecting to be in quite some papers the next day? Indeed his plan! But who the hell invited her there??? River Song??? No! No, no, no! Definitely not his plan!

 

‘DOCTOR!’ the young girl stopped his trail of thoughts with her sudden screech.

 

‘Oh no!’ the Doctor stopped. They were facing a dead end being trapped between a wall of mirrors (hence, the reason why they could not realize the corridor was ending until it was too late) and the pointed gun of a certain Time Lady. The Doctor tried to sonic the mirrors… but nothing showed up. They. Were. In. Deep. Trouble!

 

‘Hello, sweeties!’

 

The Doctor pulled Rose behind him protecting her with his body.

 

‘River…’ he tried. Alex looked like the River Song of Pandorica. Maybe, just maybe, she was also playing! So, if the woman pointing a gun at them was River Song, maybe, just maybe, they could get away without being murdered by Alex Kingston. Somehow he was sure River would be more merciful!

 

‘Rose Tyler, sweetie? Really?’ there was a certain dose of anger in her eyes. The Doctor clapped his hands together.

 

‘Honey, let me explain! This is not at all what it looks like… and there is a perfectly sound explanation as to why Rose is here.’

 

‘Sweetie, I know Rule #1. But let’s pretend I am listening to your pointless excuses.’ River was still pointing her gun at them when she saw in the mirror that someone was approaching her from behind.

 

‘Let me help you with that.’ Said a male voice.

 

‘Oh no! Not you…’ Matt rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

 

‘Rose, we were about to go meet Elvis. Did you get lost?’ the man continued talking, without paying any attention to Matt. The newcomer offered his hand to Rose and she did not hesitate to push Matt aside and jump in the arms of her new savior.

 

‘All yours, Professor Song!’

 

‘Charming. Thank you, Doctor.’

 

‘As for you… go back to your own timeline!’ the man in a blue suit and long brown coat turned around grabbing Rose’s small hand.

 

Matt followed them with his eyes, while Alex was stalking their reflection in the mirror. Ok, ok… Matt thought. Someone was playing with his game! Why was someone playing with his game? Who was playing with his game! Ok. Ok, Doctor. Focus… focus! If River, let’s say, had the right to be there… who the hell invited Tennant? That Moff must have been playing in two camps, the bastard! He had to figure something out… ah! Think. Think. Think!

 

As soon as she could not see her daughter anymore, Alex turned her attention to the man with a bow tie. She was not over. She did not want to be over with the game, because she was not ready to see his cold eyes just yet.

 

‘Go on. Explain. I stop paying attention to you for a second and you run away with the first blonde? Why do I ever let you out?’

 

‘River…’ Matt really had no idea what to invent. But hey! He smiled. There were the Cybermen he ordered! It was high time, Moffat! Now you are cleaning some of your sins!

 

‘River… what about you save that gun for the three Cybermen approaching us from the other end of the corridor. If you kill me, would you really want to run alone?’

 

Alex could not see properly in the mirror so she turned for a couple of seconds. Matt moved rapidly and grabbed her pistol.

 

‘Oh, I hate you!’

 

‘No, you don’t! Now shut up, Doctor Song! And watch us run!’

 

They started running in the opposite direction. Matt tried to remember the route he followed earlier with Salome. Somehow the two of them forgot about the bags of presents they were carrying. He remembered their hiding place. With a bit of luck, the dark corner behind the banner was still guarding the teenager’s shopping.

 

‘Where are we running to, Doctor?’

 

‘Home, honey! But first I need to check something!’

 

Matt indeed found the presents there. He and Alex did not stop from running although they got out of the shopping center. She tried to protest that they lost the Cybermen, but he insisted on ‘Shut up, River and keep on running!’

 

He closed the door behind them with a slam and locked it! Alex went in the living room and threw herself on the sofa.

 

‘I will put the kettle on.’ Matt entered the kitchen considering his options.

 

His phone beeped and Matt looked at his text. It was from Karen. A simple line: _‘Save your relationship.’_

 

Back in the living room Alex was bracing herself for reality when she also felt her phone vibrating. She took it out from her jacket. It was a text from Jenna.

 

_‘Rose Tyler is with us, safe and sound, and we still have amazing ideas for Christmas Eve with 10 and his genetically engineered daughter, Jenny. Amy called so your parents will join us for a total fiasco, but we’ll keep a low profile, nothing like the mall incident. Just in case you want to protest, I left my phone at home and Rose’s phone died, or we might have just taken the battery out on purpose. You can thank me later Professor Song. xoxo Clara’_

 

Alex rolled her eyes and put the phone aside. As if! She thought. She grabbed a book and pretended to be reading, lying on the sofa. She was king of breathless and the tension of the waiting was making her anxious. Matt returned to the living room only more than 10 minutes later with two glasses of whiskey.

 

‘River…’ he offered her one.

 

‘Busy reading.’ She cut him.

 

‘You never refused a good whiskey before.’ He put her glass on the table in front of her.

 

‘And you never had whiskey before.’ She punched back.

 

‘Well… I thought that maybe…’ he sat down on the floor, at her feet, with the back to the sofa and his knees up, trying not to disturb her and the reading. ‘I thought that I could use one since I managed the incredible performance of annoying to the extreme the psychopath trained and conditioned to kill me.’

 

‘I can kill you in your sleep, sweetie. No need to be brave.’ She kept on pretending to be reading.'

 

Matt downed his glass and put it on the table. He turned half of his body, still sitting on the floor, bent and placed a kiss on her leg, just a bit above the knee. He then kissed her leg again, a bit higher. Alex closed her eyes, thankful for the book she was holding in front of her face.

 

‘Are you jealous?’ he asked still keeping his lips in the close proximity of her leg.

 

‘On the younger and more beautiful girl who stole your heart?’

 

‘Yes.’ He replied placing another kiss, this time upper on her tight.

 

‘Yes.’ She replied holding her breath and feeling her whole body warming up.

 

‘You’re silly.’ He moved in a heartbeat and dragged her down from the sofa and on the floor. Alex let out a scared screech. Matt startled for a second, scared that she might have hurt her back or something. But as soon as he figured out that it was not the case, he forced her to lay on the floor, there on the small space between the sofa and the coffee table and climbed with his knees apart on top of her, nailing her to the ground. He looked at her from above.

 

‘You never listen. That’s your problem! You just think you know. You think you know it all. But do you, now? Let me show you how silly you are… River.’

 

‘Stop it!’ she protested for the sake of it because she was sure she would have just died if he actually did what she asked. She’s been thinking about him the whole day, since the bloody towel incident in the morning. But thankfully, he was not paying attention to her requests.

 

‘How silly you are to assume that there could ever be anyone else…'

 

‘Don’t you dare!’

 

‘River… shut up!’ he leaned over her and started kissing her passionately. Yes, he thought. Yes, he could abuse his own game in order to caress the woman he loved. And hell he was going to love every single bit of her. He was going to place kiss after kiss on her amazing body. He was going to love her for every single night in which he missed her in the past eight months.

 

‘Are you hurt?’

 

‘No.’ she replied.

 

‘Are you lying?’

 

‘Rule #1.’

 

‘Is it my fault?’

 

‘When one's in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve-year-old, one does one's best to hide the damage.’ She said on a quiet voice.

 

‘I want to see the damage.’ He said kissing her on the neck.

 

‘I am not sure your hearts would be able to cope with it.’

  
‘I am sure they will not. But I have to know… because I have to mend it somehow. Because I love you, and it is bloody time for me to show it to you in the right way.’

 

Alex felt burning tears rolling down her cheeks. His kisses suddenly felt like knives on her skin. Matt stopped and lifted his head to look at her. He saw the tears and started kissing them away.

 

‘River, give in… stop being so stubborn River. You know there could never be anyone else… You’re my wife River, the only one I ever truly loved… please let me love you. Please River!’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I want to make love to you in the sweetest possible way… Please, allow me this. Will you allow me?’

 

Alex’s body started trembling from desire. That was so wrong. She could not give in. Sleeping with him as River would only reinforcing the game, and reinforcing it at a whole new level! She couldn’t. She had to stop! She made a quick calculation: the pleasure of one night vs. the utter pain of many days? The cost of her action would outweigh the benefits.

 

A kiss on the cheek. A kiss on the lips. Those big sad eyes looking at her. Begging. His fingers on her face erasing the trail of her tears with the greatest tenderness.

 

‘I love you.’ He whispered staring into her eyes.

 

‘I love you, too.’


	7. December never felt so wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from a song I discovered recently and really liked. It's called "Winter Song" and here you have a link to it. Enjoy! 
> 
> (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67xr_KKPTHE)

When he woke up Alex was no longer next to him. Matt turned to face her side of the bed. He grabbed her pillow, hugged it and smiled while stretching like a pleased kitten. He closed his eyes to recapture the previous night. Oh! That divine woman! He adored her so much. He had missed her like crazy! Although he wanted to spend more time in bed, he remembered! It was Christmas morning!!!

 

Matt jumped out of bed and directly into shower. When he went to the living room half an hour later, he found Alex and Salome sitting on the sofa twinned into a cozy hug and giggling at some inner stories. He smiled at them:

 

‘My girls! My lovely girls! Merry Christmas!’ Salome jumped off the sofa and ran to hug him.

 

‘Matty!!! Finally! I could barely wait to open the presents!’ she started jumping around looking at the Christmas tree. Matt started jumping with her.

 

‘Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Presents!’

 

The next couple of hours the three of them were busy with an amazing Christmas breakfast and the many presents they had to open. Salome was extremely happy and she did not hide it. They were all sitting on the carpet around the Christmas tree, playing with their presents and drinking hot chocolate. Salome was surprised when Alex opened one of her presents and inside she found the book and the amazing cashmere pullover she bought for her mother.

 

‘Oh Matty! You found them!!! I thought I lost them in all the running at the mall!’

 

‘You did, but then I went back in time with my amazing Tardis and saved them before it was too late. You see? I am good!’

 

‘You are just the BEST! And yesterday was brilliant… Absolutely brilliant! I had so much fun! But mom! You scared us so much! I mean really. I was utterly terrified to see you there.’ Alex rolled her eyes at Salome’s words.

 

‘Oh really? Was I actually the worst monster of this year’s Christmas special?’ She muttered pretending to be offended. Salome jumped on her and started placing kisses on her cheeks.

 

‘No, no, no! You were not a monster! Don't be silly! You were the surprise guest appearance with the greatest potential of being a kill joy! Your angry face just screamed “Game over, children”! By the way, how did you know to come?’

 

‘Social media! EVERYWHERE! You two created a fiasco! And unlike everything you think, I kind of liked it! I wanted to join in! I didn’t want to be the odd one out!’ She shook her head as if excusing herself.

 

‘And did you invite Tennant as well?’ Matt asked with amused eyes.

 

‘No, I did not. I am afraid that was in Jenna’s agenda… for some reason.’

 

‘Add Karen to the list, then. They seem to be a duo these days.’ Matt said smiling at her.

 

They were suddenly distracted by Salome’s phone.

 

‘AAA! I have a skype dat… meeting!’ she quickly stood up.

 

Alex and Matt asked in the same time:

 

 _Alex:_ ‘Who’s even up at this hour?’

 _Matt:_ ‘Who’s the lucky fellow?’

 

Alex looked at Matt confused: ‘She is not skyping with a boy. Are you, Salome?’

 

‘Might! BYE!’ she ran off the room. In a couple of seconds, however, she ran back in: ‘Ah Matt. Again! Thank you for yesterday! Now I have to go and tell the best of stories…’ Then she ran off again.

 

Matt just laughed and looked at Alex smiling. He saw her hiding her face away, pretending to be very focused on the presents. He crawled next to her and kissed her on the cheek. Her face was tense. Thinking their morning over, Matt realized there might have been something off with her. He had to talk to her. He wanted everything to come back to normal and he really felt that their night was the perfect opportunity for him to confess his true feelings.

 

‘Aren’t you going to thank me for yesterday, Kingston?’ Matt asked with a smirk and a flirty voice.

 

‘As a matter of fact no. Not really.’ She stood up from the floor putting her presents back under the Christmas tree. She grabbed her iPad and sat again on the sofa.

 

‘Mad, are we? I thought we decided we’ll pretend full time until Salome leaves.’

 

‘Really? That’s why you had me sleep with my daughter for two nights? Because we were pretending full time?’ her voice was very accusing.

 

‘Then let’s stop pretending altogether! I...’ Matt opened his mouth to say something more but she interrupted him.

 

‘What’s even wrong with you? Is this really all ok for you? Yesterday night. Was that ok with you? Was that normal?’

 

‘Well, Alex…’

 

‘Shut up! I am talking!’

 

‘I am sorry… Sorry. But you did ask a string of questions. I thought I was supposed to… you know, answer.’ Matt put his head down, like a scolded boy. He’s been dominating their pseudo-relationship for months now. He utterly forgot how assertive she could be.

 

‘Those were rhetorical questions. But here is the real question. How could you whisper her name while being with me? How cruel can you be, Matt? How heartless? Really now… where are your limits?’

 

Matt looked at her confused: ‘Alex, no. No! Sweetheart, I did not… I thought we were role-playing. You are… River, aren’t you?’

 

‘I was not talking about you calling me River. I know I am River. I was talking about your mumbling of how much you loved Alexandra.’

 

‘What?” he asked blushing.

 

‘I will not repeat. Good to know you were not even aware that you were calling her name while shagging me!’ Alex closed her eyes to hide the pain.

  
Matt put his head down. He could not do it anymore. He closed the distance between them with slow steps. He took a deep breath and knelt in front of the sofa, in front of her. He grabbed one of her hands and kissed it softly.

 

‘Alex… that’s you name. It’s you I was thinking about.’

 

‘Lucky escape. But as you so nicely pointed out, I do not own the name.’

 

‘Alex, I don’t have a girlfriend.’ Alex frowned, then stared at him with reluctant eyes. ‘There has never been another Alexandra, or another woman for that matter. There could never be another woman, Alex. I love you too much to even consider looking at other females.’ He continued.

 

‘Stop lying. I heard her voice through the phone, the other week!’

 

‘It was Karen! She returned from the States and wanted to sleep before going up north. She figured out I was lying to her. I told her everything and she really got extremely angry at me. She slapped me a couple of times to make me come to my senses. I am so sorry. That was the moment when I realized what this game meant… what…’ Alex let out a deep breath and stood up, slowly.

 

‘Excuse you?’

 

‘I love you, Alex…’

 

‘Don’t you dare, please. Not now.’ Matt, who was still kneeling in front of the empty sofa, stood up very fast and grabbed her hand. Alex removed it with a polite smile. ‘Don't touch me, please.'

 

She took a safe distance from him before talking again. 'Then what was this about, Matt? The charade? Why did you do it? What were your reasons? When we started this, you said your reasons were to use me as a cover story that would allow you to develop a stable and healthy relationship with your new girlfriend. It broke my heart, but I accepted to play your game because I felt responsible for your unhappiness. If this girlfriend does not even exist, if your cover story is fake, then what were your reasons?’ her voice was extremely calm. She sounded more adult and more mature than he’s ever heard her. And her eyes, oh dear, her eyes were as blank and expressionless as a white paper. He could not reply to that, he didn’t know what to reply to that. Luckily, or maybe not, he didn’t even have to, because she continued on the same ice-cold tone:

 

‘Was that some sort of revenge, Matt? Did you put me through hell in the past 8 months… first with your absence, then with your game, just to teach me a lesson? As punishment?’

 

Matt could not look at her.

 

‘Look at me and answer my question!’ She demanded, but he really couldn’t. Matt turned his head to one side and closed his eyes.

 

‘Matthew, look into my eyes.’

 

‘No.’ Matt turned completely with his back to her and covered his face with both hands. Alex took a deep breath and moved again near him until she was standing in front of him. She grabbed his hands and removed them from his face.

 

‘Open your eyes and look at me, NOW!’

 

Matt startled and obeyed. Alex let go of his hands. She cleared her voice and repeated on the same calm tone: ‘Did you condemn me to hell just to teach me a lesson?’

 

‘Yes.’ He replied looking into her eyes. He closed them very quickly after that, because he simply could not look at her. Alex cleared her voice again.

 

‘Yesterday. Our conversation yesterday, here, on the sofa. Your questions, your sweet words, your caresses. How much of yesterday was for River and how much of it was for me?’

 

Matt opened his eyes again. ‘River was… just a pretext. It was all for you. That’s why I refrained from using her name as much as possible.’

 

‘So basically, what you are telling me is that you were aware all along that I was hurting like a dying dog. And you still did not tell me the truth? Please look into my eyes when you reply.’

 

Matt made another effort to obey. He felt like suffocating. He could hardly speak. He had to clear his voice several times before he was able to say: ‘Yes… I wanted to hurt you on purpose.’

 

Alex smiled. A sad smile. Her calmness and coldness was driving him insane. What has he done?

 

‘Oh, the irony. All that time in our two happy years when you told me how much better than any bastard who’s ever hurt me you’ll be… Oh Matt, darling, thinking about all the pain my failed romances caused me and putting them on a scale from one to 10, ours would easily pull an 11!’

 

He could not take it anymore. Did she just called their relationship a ‘failed romance’? Matt dragged her into his arms, in a desperate move. Alex rejected him in a heartbeat.

 

‘No. Please, don’t touch me. I am not done speaking. You got mad at me, ballistic even, when I called you immature. But you are not only immature, Matt, darling. You are a child! A selfish and spoiled, brat! And you’d probably never had any kind of emotional trauma in your life. I think you just don’t understand what these months have done to me. What about asking Jenna for an opinion, since the poor soul, bless her, had to deal with collecting the broken pieces and spent nights after nights with me out of utter fear that I could drift into self-harm. And you were playing a game, to punish me?’

 

Alex’s voice was terrifyingly still, and clear. Matt could not hold his tears back anymore. Alex left out a big sigh.

 

‘I am so sorry I was right about you… because Matt, I wanted with all my heart to be wrong.’ She smiled again. ‘Why did you do it? Hurt me deliberately?’

 

‘Hm…’ Matt closed his eyes again and tried to clear his voice, but failed miserably.

 

‘I’d really appreciate you looking at me when you speak, and not sobbing like a child. Your tears do not impress me at this point.’

 

Oh, heaven! Matt thought. If the earth could just open and eat him up alive right then and there, would be just great.

 

‘I don’t know…’

 

‘I am sure you do.’

 

‘No, Alex. No. I really do not know. I do not know how to put it into words. I do not have a conscious reason for doing it. I just felt like… doing it. I just felt like, doing this to you. I felt like hurting you on purpose... I don't know why... I really don't. And then I just could not stop it anymore...’

 

Alex nodded. ‘Do you want me to tell you why? To put it in words for you?’

 

Matt nodded. 'Yes, please... yes.' 

 

‘You never loved me.’

 

When she saw him on the verge of protesting she put a finger on her mouth to make him stop. He kept quiet indeed.

 

‘You never loved me, as a person. You never loved the human-Alex. You loved an idea and an ideal. Just like any other fan, maybe just a slightly bit more since you had the privilege of being around me. Don’t you see? This was my fear all along in our relationship. This is from where my insecurities were born. And I couldn’t just tell you, because you would have never understood what I really meant. I hope you will understand now. You made an idol out of me for ages and this made it impossible for you to see the real person. I tried to show you the real person, to show you that I was flawed, and vulnerable, and insecure, and broken, and needy… And I lied to myself that I succeeded. I lied to myself that the human Alex defeated the goddess Alex. I lied to myself that we could be together! That despite all odds we could be a real couple! And I lived with this self-induced lie, until I couldn’t anymore! Because it became too obvious that you were in a relationship with a constructed version of me. A better me... an improved version. A version I, as a human being, can not even dream to compete with! When I was sad, we never talked, you never tried to listen to my real feelings… and I really tried to communicate them to you! But for you buying flowers, chocolate, taking me places, praising me and calling me glorious was the way of solving problems! Not that I didn’t appreciate, but you cannot sustain a relationship with stuffed toys! I told you this… and what did you do? You stopped with the presents and got grumpy on me for more than a week. We started fighting more and more often. Can you blame me for bracing myself for the goodbye? Can you blame me for preparing the world for our break-upl? Ok. I do admit that I went way overboard, but I felt so scared. So scared of what I knew will come! Because you know what the problem with idols is? When they fail you, all those incredible feelings you invested into them turn into anger and hatred. The more you worship something, the more you’ll want to hurt it when it fails you. Heroes do not exist. Humans are real. I failed you and I am sorry I could not be your goddess. But I am only human. I didn’t even want to be your goddess, or anyone’s for the matter. I wanted to be your human, Matt. You punished me for the failure of an imaginary creature! But the problem is that she cannot feel. I can… and you hurt me… you hurt the flawed, insecure, and scared human. And you hurt me... without a bit of mercy.’

 

When she stopped, Matt had to sit. He went to the sofa and just sat down completely lost inside his head. He closed his eyes in slow motion and put his head into his palms. The silence in the room was heavy as they were both contemplating Alex’s words. She did not say anything for several minutes, waiting for him to react. Matt stood up and walked towards her with small steps. He hugged her to his chest starting crying again.

 

'I am sorry.' 

 

'Apologies accepted.' 

 

'Alex...' he broke the embrace and looked at her. 'Alex... will you ever believe me if I told you that I have never loved you more than I love you in this very instant?'

 

‘I do. Because with the spell broken... you are finally able to see me. But, Matt, I am afraid it is too little too late… Matt, it was some sort of ideal me who failed you, but it was the real you who failed me.’

 

Silence again. 

 

‘Matt, I will leave.’

 

‘I know.’ He whispered. 

 

‘When you’ve got the time, please pack my stuff and send them over to my parents. One of the most difficult things I’ve done, was to remove even the smallest hint of my existence from your… _our_ home. And I really do not want to put myself through that again.’

 

Alex left the room and Matt just fell on his knees grabbing his head in his arms. He’s been such a fool, such a fool, such a fool! He had no idea how much time had passed when he heard a soft crying voice behind him. He was still on the floor, in the same kneeling position.

 

‘What happened, Matt? I thought you were happy?’ Matt lifted his head to see the teenager’s eyes red from crying. She had her jacket on. He stood up, hugged her and they both continued crying.

 

‘Wish I could say I will make her change her mind… but Matt, I know my mommy. Whatever happened is so bad that she’s canceling Christmas… She’s never canceled Christmas before! What did you do?’

 

‘Salome! Jenna is downstairs. Come on!’ that was Alex’s voice from the corridor.

 

‘Goodbye, Matt.’

 

Salome left the living room. She grabbed her small suitcase and looked at Alex who was putting her jacket on. ‘Go downstairs, love. I will be there in a moment.’ Salome nodded and left the flat without looking back, still crying.

 

Matt forced himself to walk to the hallway. He saw Salome’s big suitcase all prepared. Since the teenager did not have many things with her, Alex had managed to pack everything back in a short period of time. Then it was Alex’s small suitcase, probably with a couple of different outfits.

 

'Alex... can I make you stay?'

 

'No.'

 

'Can I at least try to make you stay?'

 

'You can try, but I cannot see the point of it.' 

 

'Alex... can we start over? The whole thing... the whole relationship. Again? I beg you... I beg of you!' 

 

'Matt, I am sorry... Hell knows I feel for you, but I really do not want to have anything to do with you anymore.' 

 

Matt started crying, run to her and hugged her. 'Please don't go... please! Please!'

 

‘Matt, I need you to promise me something.’ She looked at him with the same steady face on while pushing him away. ‘When I walk out that door you will never call, text, or email me again. Ever. No birthdays, no holidays, nothing. No mentioning of me in public. No River question at comic-cons. Please, Matt. Just let me be. I beg of you. Let. Me. Be! I need time to heal, to put my head in order, to mend my wounds and to regain some self-confidence. You’ve made me feel so worthless, Matt. You and your little game. So worthless of love and affection… I just cannot be around you anymore. I want to forget you. I want a fresh start. And if you text, or call, or talk about me in public, with your actor face on and your flirty comments… then it will be simply impossible for me to live my life in peace! Matt, you owe me this. You owe it to me!’

 

Matt looked at her through his tears. She looked so calm. He was losing his mind and she looked so calm. But he knew better. He knew that she was so emotionally drained that she could not show any emotions. Like an anesthetic. Only heaven knew the amount of pain she'd have to endure once the effect passed. Matt felt sick. She would be even more hurt than she'd been... and all because of him!

 

He owed it to her. Matt closed his eyes and nodded.

 

‘I promise.’

 

‘Thank you.’ Alex grabbed the two suitcases. ‘Goodbye, Matt.’

 

‘Goodbye…’

 


	8. Carry Smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I wanted to finish posting this by Christmas, but I realized that the last two chapters are way too long. I decided to post three smaller ones instead. (Not really small as you will see, so indeed the two chapters would have been too long.) 
> 
> Since I will not post again until the 26th or 27th, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! xoxo

Alex pressed play.

 

She could not help it.

 

She was scrolling down on her tablet when she saw the video and she could not ignore it. She’s heard comments about that interview, so many comments! But she deliberately tried to avoid it for a while. But now there it was, on her tablet. Matt. Matt’s latest interview. He looked so dashing, so elegant and stylish in his bleu marine suit trousers, beige shirt and plum tie. His hair was quite long, almost reaching his shoulders and this created the best contrast with his absolutely perfect clean shave. Alex bit her lower lip without even realizing it. Heaven! He was so handsome. She shook her head. No! She pressed pause. She closed the browser put the tablet down and left the room.

 

She needed some tea. Tea was good. 

 

She did not care about the interview. She was perfectly fine, and perfectly happy. She did not care about him or his career. It was anyway extremely difficult to avoid him lately because of all his achievements. She really did not need to voluntarily find out something about him.

 

She put some sugar into her tea and she sat down at her kitchen’s table drinking it in silence.

 

No one would know though… She was home alone.

 

It was innocent curiosity… because he slipped. And he’s never slipped before… in all that time. He always kept his promise. She wanted to see exactly what he said… that was all. She wanted to see whether she could figure out the reason for which he slipped. Honestly! That was all. 

 

She stood up, went to the living room again, grabbed the tablet, sat on the sofa and pressed play.

 

_I: Matt, darling! Thank you so much for taking the time to meet me._

 

_M: Oh, Iana dear… you know you are my favourite journalist there is. So the pleasure is all mine._

 

_I: Flattered. I still cannot get used to the idea of you being an A-list celebrity. Look at you all posh and groomed. Long hair! Ah, so sexy and classy. I still remember when I was taking your interviews during and immediately after the Who years… you were all broken jeans and band T-shirts. But I suppose you were not nominated for Oscars those days…_

 

_M (laughing): I am not nominated for Oscars now either._

 

_I: You most definitely will be…_

 

_M: We’ll see about that in January when they announce the nominations…_

 

_I: No, come on! It’s technically impossible for you not to be nominated… I swear that if you are not nominated for Best Actor in Supportive Role I will quit my job!_

 

_M (laughs even harder): Oh great! Now you put the well-being of your family on my shoulders._

 

_I: Indeed! No pressure, just saying._

 

_M: Well… it’s not as if I could change the film now, is it? We’ll just have to wait and see._

 

_I: True that, but Matt, in the last two and a half years you became a phenomenon! Really, you are absolutely incredible. I think that most directors are even scared not to cast you. Not having you in a production is a suicidal move, these days._

 

_M: Iana, are you trying to flirt with me?_

 

_I: Indeed I am. Is it working?_

 

_M: It completely would… if I wasn’t married. (Matt winks at her and the interviewer shakes her head in disbelief.)_

 

_I: Oh, that again. It became your catchphrase really. But how strict being married to your career can be?_

 

_M: You’d be surprised. You have no idea how Carry is. She wants it all and takes it all. (Iana bursts out in laughter.)_

 

_I: I cannot believe you named it! You really sound crazier every time we meet…_

 

_M: It? Iana, that is plain rude! Carry is a she!_

 

_I: Apologies. So, is this canon now? Is this how we should refer to your blooming career? As Carry?_

 

_M (chuckles): Yes. Carry Smith._

 

_I: Ok… So, when you say that it… she… she is strict, you most probably refer to your many projects. Because lately you have even three or four at a time. You actually had five big projects this year! Five! This is incredible, and by incredible I mean utterly insane. How are you coping? How do you film everything? You are not even living in the USA. It’s like you are scared of being in LA!_

 

_M: I am scared of being in LA. Trust me. But yes, I had five projects this year. That would mean five films with me next year: two leading and three supporting. It’s really been an insane year. Way worse than the hectic schedule of Doctor Who, back in the days. I mean… that was child’s play compared to this. But I managed and I will keep on managing. I mean… I had no problems with the filming. The breaks were all scheduled in such a way than whenever I was not filming something, I was filming something else… and then some other else, and then back to something… and the other else, and the other something… and I swear it really was as wibbly wobbly as it sounds. But it was fun!_

 

_I: So, you basically worked all year round?_

 

_M: Yes. Told you Carry wants me all for herself. Damn jealous woman that is! Sharing is not carry-ing! HA!!! See what I did there?_

 

_I: Oh, dear! I don’t know what is more horrible… your pun, or the fact that you worked all year round. You’re going to wear yourself out! Did you have any days off lately?_

 

_M (laughs): No, not that I know of! Heaven no! I hate days off. Really. I completely hate days off. I would have to spend time with myself. Urgh! The dread! I could get all thinking... I cannot stand having days off. I run away from days off! Why do you think I have so many projects? Because when I have a day off… I am all: Oh, NO! What is this sorcery? Time to get another project. I grab my phone, call my agent... he gets me another project. Problem solved!_

 

_I: Workaholic, are we?_

 

_M: Let’s just say a guy has his reasons for working like mad and avoiding spending time on his own…_

 

_I: And what are a guy’s reasons then?_

 

_M: I just mentioned them. Time off would mean a relaxed mind... a relaxed mind would start thinking about stuff it shouldn't.  So no time off. I love working._

 

_I: Well, you are in for an Oscar so… I guess it is worth it._

 

_M: I haven’t been nominated yet._

 

_I: You know you will be!_

 

_M (laughs): Yes, I kind of do._

 

_I: Excited?_

 

_M: Very much so! Yes. (He smiles with the most genuine of smiles.)_

 

_I: I guess you are very proud of yourself… you’ve come a really long way, Matt! Look at you. I mean you are still funny and silly… but, there is something very…_

 

_M: Mature about me? I definitely hope so. I’ve been told to grow up a lot. I really should have listened earlier. Trust me. But I eventually matured. And I don’t mean only looks, and projects and working habits. I mean, I grew up from within. Everything you see when looking at me, this stylish guy… as you put it, or all the great stuff that you can read about when googling me up… those are just expressions of how much I changed as a person. And I am not doing this for making myself proud! I am doing it for other people to be proud of me. You know what were probably the worst words I have heard in my life? ‘You failed me.’ Someone… (Matt took a deep breath). Someone, some time ago said those words to me. Those three words hurt me and killed me more than any other word I’ve heard that day or in any other bad day of my life. But those words got me moving! And here I am… hoping for an Academy nomination. And this is just because I do not want to fail anyone else in my life… Ever again._

 

_I (with a very emotional smile): Oh, Matt. This is one of the most emotional things I have heard you say in a long while. It sounds like you really learnt a lesson out of that experience. And I am really sure the person you are talking about is proud of you now._

 

_M (rolling his eyes a little in disbelief): If only... But this is beyond the point of it. It would be a bonus, nonetheless. But, the whole point of it is that the promise I made after hearing those words turned me into the man I am today. Something good always comes out of bad things._

 

The interviewer just nodded and moved on from the topic, asking some questions strictly connected with his films. Alex had tears in her eyes.

 

‘I am, Matt… I really am proud of you…’ she closed her eyes allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks. She continued watching the interview but nothing extremely important was said for more than 10 minutes. However, towards the end of the interview, Iana asked Matt whether he’d want to answer some questions from the fans. Matt accepted gladly.

 

_I: Oh, I just love the next question. I remember reading it and thinking it would be interesting to hear your answer because I know how much you care about your family. It’s the sort of question one simply cannot get right. It says: Matt, if you were to be beheaded by terrorists and they offered you a last chance to speak with a member of your family, whom would you call: your mother or your father? Whom would you choose, why, and what would you tell him or her? They cannot be together and you have only 30 seconds to speak._

 

_M: Oh, I would be dead after that, right?_

 

_I: Yes, I am sorry. We are talking about Earth terrorists, not the Headless Monks. So you’d be dead._

 

_M: Well, then it’s easy. I’d call Alex._

 

_I: Alex? But your mom’s name… Oh! Alex as in… Kin…g… Kingston?_

 

Alex shifted on the sofa and bit her lip. It was very obvious that Iana was reluctant of saying her name, but she gained more confidence when Matt nodded.

 

_I: Matt, I don’t mean to be rude or mistaken, but I thought it was sort of an unspoken law not to mention one’s name in the presence of the other, after your break-up five years ago…_

 

_M: Oi! It’s only been four! Next week, on Christmas. Four. Not five. Don’t just add to it… it’s long enough anyway. (Matt shook his head a bit offended)._

 

_I: Four… sorry. I don’t even know what to say. Because actually I have been told countless times not to dare to ask you about her. But since you mentioned her._

 

_M: Well… I will be dead in a minute or less! Cut me some slack, will you? I can call whoever I want! Why would you stop me if even the terrorists allow me?_

 

_I (laughing): Right. Good. No, I will not stop you… So Alex it is. Alex Kingston, blimey… Wow. So why Alex and what would you tell her?_

 

_M: Alex because… Alex. And I would remain silent. I have absolutely nothing to tell to her. Nothing she would want to hear, anyway. But I would just listen to the sound of her voice trying to figure out who’s on the phone for some 15 seconds and then put the phone down and die with a smile on my face._

 

_I: Oh, I thought you wanted to call her just to congratulate her on her engagement. The news came out last week.  Ms. Kingston is in for marriage number 3. So, wouldn’t you congratulate her on her upcoming marriage? (Matt shifted uncomfortably in his armchair. And cleared his voice a couple of times before answering.)_

 

_M: Hm… I just assume I would just be inadequate and not thinking straight because of the stress and pressure of the given imaginary context. So I suppose I would not congratulate her on her engagement. No. Definitely! I would definitely forget to congratulate her... Why are we even talking about this? I cannot talk about this. I made a promise._

 

_I: What promise?_

 

_M: It does not matter. You will cut this out of the interview, right? I mean I am not asking. I am telling you and I am very serious, don’t publish this. If I see this online, I will sue you. I promise! And we won’t be friends anymore… and you know you’re my favourite journalist, Iana. Can you please stop the camera now? I mean it. Please… (Matt looked indeed very serious and turned his face away from the camera. The interview suddenly ended after that.)_

 

Alex closed the browser automatically. She did not want to think about him. Marriage… wedding. Right. She had many things to plan for that… She could not think about him and how most probably he broke his promise just because he could not get out of his mind the fact that she was engaged. Alex actually wondered when the news became public, whether he would find out or not. Apparently he did, and he did not seem happy. Alex felt irationally guilty. But she did not want to think about Matt. No. She could not think about him, about the gorgeous Matt Smith… the amazing Matt Smith. Not thinking about him... no.

 

She grabbed her phone. Although Alex told Karen countless times to stop, the ginger kept on sending her updates whenever Matt changed his number. Alex texted without thinking twice:

 

_Matt… your interview leaked somehow, but I am sure you know. I am writing to say that I am not mad about it. And just for you to know, I am incredibly proud of you... and I miss you. Would you want to grab some coffee one of these days?_

 

She reread the message a couple of times holding her phone on her right palm. She moved her left index finger to press send. The diamond ring a couple of fingers away started shining in protest. Both her hands were trembling now. Alex could not take her eyes from her ring.

 

Stop it, Alex! Stop it right there!

 

She closed her eyes and pressed.

 

Discard.


	9. Memories of Christmas Past

Matt was aimlessly walking around the mall, lost in his thoughts. Out of nowhere someone caught his attention. He frowned. Could it be? He was not sure! Yes! He was sure! No. He was not… What should he do? He wanted to go to her and say hi. He really wanted to do that. Would she want him to? But then she turned around. Oh dear, yes, it was indeed her! Matt smiled with all his heart. She frowned and opened her mouth in surprise! Then she started laughing covering her mouth with her hands. They both started walking towards each other! She jumped on him, throwing her arms around his neck.

 

‘Matt!’

 

‘Oh, Poppet… oh, heavens! Heavens! You are…’ he broke the embrace to stare at her. She was so slim and tall and beautiful. ‘You are absolutely gorgeous! Oh, dear! Look at you!’ His eyes suddenly became sparkly as the tears were threatening to appear. ‘Look at you! You look like a proper young lady!’

 

Salome blushed: ‘I am almost 19 now. I should look like a proper young lady.’

 

’19. Yes… you’ll be 19 next March. Oh no, when did that happen?’ He rolled his eyes and gave her a sad look. ‘I’ve missed so much! But wait … why are you in London for Christmas?’

 

‘Well, we live in London now. Mom and Mark… Well, we just all moved here. I am also studying here. King’s College, first year. War studies. So we all just live here now.’

 

‘Your mom… you live here now? War studies you said? Why?’ Matt was trying to take all in at once and to look as relaxed as possible, if possible.

 

‘Well, I want to save the world! Be a superhero! You know… the sort of woman of peace who knows every type of warfare and is able to combat them all!’

 

‘You’ll make a glorious superhero, Salome!’ he kisses her on the forehead.

 

‘You think so?’ she asks with a smile.

 

‘Cross my hearts!’ And he does so while saying it. ‘Are you out shopping? This late? It's Christmas Eve!’

 

‘Well, you know I am always late for Christmas… remember our game on Christmas Eve... ah? It was exactly 4 years ago! Oh heaven! Four years... But anyway, the whole idea started from the fact that I was too lazy to do the shopping on time… so I realized I still had no presents although it was one day before Christmas! Luckily you saved the day. And that was the BEST Christmas Eve ever!’

 

Matt smiled: ‘Yes it was. Wish I could say the same about the Christmas Day.’

 

‘Forget Christmas Day! No need of getting sad.’

 

Matt nodded: ‘Indeed. Are you shopping on your own?’

 

‘Yes… no one wanted to join me.’ She made an annoyed face rolling her eyes.

 

‘Can I join you? I can carry your bags. And you can use my card! Go wild!’ 

 

‘Of course you can join me! You don’t have to bribe me! It would actually be my pleasure!’ She smiled. 

 

Matt made a fake-offended face: ‘I am not bribing you! I mean it! Let me play Santa! I beg of you, Salome! I’ll get you absolutely everything you want! Name it and you’ll have it!’

 

Salome laughed. ‘What if I want a car?’

 

‘You’ll get a car, then.’ Matt sounded very convincing.

 

‘Are you serious?’

 

‘Never knowingly! Never knowingly be serious…’

 

‘Rule 27!’ She completed him.

 

‘Exactly! But I do mean it!’ He smiled.

 

‘TEMPTING!’ she said with a naughty smile biting her lower lip. ‘But mom would kill us both!’

 

‘Even more so! At least she’d have to come to see me…’ he said with a smile, but a sad vibe to it. 

 

‘Why do you want to play expensive Santa on me?’ Salome asked on a curious voice.

 

‘Because you are the closest thing to a child I have ever had… and most probably the closest thing to a child I will ever have. I met you when you were so little… and I did have the privilege of seeing you growing up for almost five years. Of course, not constantly. But still… for me it meant a lot! And look at you now! You’re all grown up… and I missed it all! And I feel guilty… and sad and I regret it dearly! I thought of you so many times... You two, my girls... Anyway, I want to do this… I want to do that stupid thing every parent with bad parenting skills does when trying to cover his or her own inability of acting like an adult, namely… trying to buy the child’s forgiveness with presents.’

 

Salome laughed. ‘Flattered. Well… the good thing to do would be to turn your offer down. Mom would definitely want me to turn your offer down. But where would be the fun in that?’

 

‘Exactly!’

 

‘I will turn down the car though. But no worries… I do have a couple of other things on my mind. However, I have a condition!’ she said with a devilish grin.

 

‘What condition?’ he asked narrowing his eyes.

 

‘I will allow you to spend a lot of money on me… only if I get a blonde wig and a Union Jack t-shirt and you get a bow tie, suspenders and a fez!’

 

‘Please, no! I stopped being the Doctor ages ago!’

 

‘Not cool enough for you anymore? Look at you, all dressed up and fancy... Snobbish, are we?’ She teased.

 

‘It’s not that… Have you seen the season finale, by the way? It was soooo painful!’

 

‘Nice try! But don’t change the subject!’ she crossed her arms. Matt smiled. Heaven, she looked so much like her mother.

 

‘Fine. Whatever Rose Tyler wants. It you want me to wear a fez… I will wear a fez!’ Matt rolled his eyes with a fake-annoyed expression. 

 

Salome started clapping being very excited. ‘This will be amazing! I missed you and your craziness so much… And to reply to your question! Yes! I cried. I actually called Steven and cried over the phone to him to make him feel bad. I am sure the whole fandom would thank me! Poor guy, he was so confused! Did not know how to react… It was hilarious. Now I am really curious for tomorrow’s Christmas Special. I hope 13 goes out with a bang! I really loved her so much!’

 

‘Did you now?’ Matt gave her a look.

 

‘Drop the jealousy, Matty! You’re still my favourite Doctor! And you know it! Look, I am making you wear a fez to prove it to you!’

 

They both started laughing. Soon after that, their late-for-Christmas shopping spree started. Matt was determined to spoil her with absolutely everything she wanted. And they indeed went completely overboard with the presents, but who cared? Matt was happy to spend even a few hours with the girl who could have been his step-daughter. There were no Daleks, Silents or Cybermen this time. They were not professionally dressed and had no make-up on. But it was the spirit of the game that mattered.

 

After finishing their shopping, the two went for a coffee. Salome was drinking her gigantic ginger latte surrounded by all the presents. On their little coffee table rested on one side a blonde wig and on the other the fabric of a red bowtie and a fez. They were facing each while talking. Matt remained mostly silent while Salome was filling him in with stories about her life, her friends, her boyfriend.... Matt was smiling, drinking his tea and being all ears to Salome’s stories. After a while she stopped and looked at him with a caring smile.

 

‘Come on, ask about her.’

 

Matt smiled back. ‘How’s your mom doing?’

 

‘She is fine, perfect! She really is. She met this guy, Mark. He is really great and domestic. Loves her unconditionally. They are boring, but very puffy together. She really is well.’ Salome assured him.

 

‘Did she tell you what happened? I mean… between us.’

 

‘She did eventually, yes. I abused my first break-up a couple of years ago, in order to make her tell me. I was always really curious to know the truth. I knew and felt that it was extremely bad… I just did not know how nasty it actually turned out.’

 

Matt left out a big sigh. ‘And you don’t hate me?’

 

Salome shook her head. ‘She doesn’t, so why would I? What would be the point of it? I have always appreciated you and cared for you. I still do… very much so. And I have missed you mat. What happened between you and mom was your thing, not mine! I was actually very sad that we never stayed in touch… I wanted to write to you so many times. But I ended up erasing all emails… I was scared that I would betray her.’ she confessed.

 

‘I know, poppet, I know. I also felt horrible for not knowing anything about you. I remember our game of writing movie reviews. I was sending so many emails to you… I could barely help myself not to write to you. But I could not. I promised to Alex that I would let her be, live her life in peace. And I cannot break the promise. As you said... it would have been like betraying her.’

 

Salome nodded. ‘She is happy and living her life in peace. Pinky promise. What about you? Girlfriend? Family?’

 

Matt shook his head a bit: ‘There can never be another woman, Sal. I tried, I really tried. Had a couple of relationships. None of them worked. The only relationship that I manage to sustain with very good results is the relationship I have with my career. Other than that… I cannot even conceive having a woman next to me. Feels wrong, you know.’

 

‘Matt, mom is getting married, on New Year's. You know this, right?’ She looked at him with a very worried look. He nodded and forced a smile.

 

‘I know. But it does not matter. I will still wait for her… forever. If forever is what it takes. I will wait for her! Maybe she’ll come home one day. I still leave there... Never moved out. Because that flat still has memories of her walking around. It is so sad and ironic that I moved there in the first place because I did not want to have memories of her around me at all! And that flat was never our real home... it's was just a fake home, for a fake relationship. For a messed up game that ruined everything! But still, I can still picture her there and that is enough for me...’

 

‘Matt…’ Salome’s voice was indeed sad, almost breaking. ‘Matt, she’s happy. She is at home! Mark is lovely and he is taking so much care of her. He really adores her and so does she. I am sorry, Matt. Let go… please, for me! Let go. Don’t wait for her, it’s so unfair to you…’

 

Matt tried to hold back his tears. He couldn’t. ‘I cannot, poppet. I cannot… But I am so glad that she is happy. Oh, that woman… that amazing and precious woman deserves all the happiness in the world. It’s just that… I am so full of regrets. And it kills me to know that I hurt her so much, probably more than anyone else, when all I wanted to do was to love her and protect her more than everyone else! She was right... I failed... I completely failed!’

 

Matt let his head fall on the table. Seeing him crying broke her heart. Salome stood quickly and went to wrap her arms around him.

 

‘Oh, Matt… I am so sorry for you two. You would have been legendary. But just… just try to live your life and stop thinking about mom. Look at me!’ She made him look at her. Tears streaming down his puppy face. ‘Matt… Oh, Matt. Mom is happy. Please be happy as well. For her if not for yourself. She would be devastated to see you like this. She does not blame you, she does not hate you. She knows she has her share of guilt in the ending of your relationship. But she came at terms with it. She got over everything… she let go. She is fine. No regrets. She is no longer hurt. No regrets. Ok? Please… just do the same. Stop blaming yourself and you will see you will feel better. It will and you know why? Because in the moment when you will forgive yourself for what happened, you will allow yourself to be happy again. You cannot live only with Carry Smith! I mean yes... she is brilliant! You did a great job, you are a fantastic actor! Look at you! International phenomenon! But that is not all in life... I could not be your step-daughter, and yes... it is a pitty! But do give yourself the chance of being someone else's father, someone else's husband. You cannot be alone, Matty! You need someone... don't travel alone, Doctor.’

 

'You sound like Karen...' he said wiping his tears away. 

 

'I sound like any normal person who cares about you! Mom only told you to grow up and stop being so childish, not to become old-spirited!' Salome quickly grabbed the fez and placed it on Matt's head. 'Now we're talking! You wear fezzes now. Fezzes are cool! And promise to me. If you do get nominated for that Oscar. You will wear a fez at the ceremony!' 

 

Matt laughed and kissed her hands. They soon left the shopping center. Matt gave her a lift home because Salome had way too many presents for public transport. He dropped her in front of her apartment and she made him promise to take her out for coffee at least once per month. Matt agreed with a big smile.

 

\-----

 

Alex was just finishing baking when Salome entered the flat.

 

‘MOM! I am back!!!’

 

‘Hello, love. I am almost ready. Coming, give me a minute.’ Alex shook her curls and put on a bit of lipstick. Then she went to greet her daughter. Straight face on, half-fake smile. When she saw Salome surrounded only by her presents, Alex frowned and her smile dropped.

 

‘What’s with the face? Happy to see you too, by the way!’ said the daughter on a sarcastic voice.

 

‘What face?’ Alex quickly rethought her greeting strategy: ‘I am just shocked by the amount of bags you have! What is with all these??? Is that a Hermes bag???’

 

‘M…mmight?’

 

‘What is going on here, Salome! Who paid for all this??? Are you out of your mind? I could pay your university for the next two years with the amount of money you spent on these useless… What? Why on earth do you need these stuff? Did you take my card??? Did you spend my money on these??? I swear I will kill you with my bare hands if you spent thousands of pounds on useless branded clothes and bags!’

 

‘Oh, heaven! Stop! I met… made… dad send me money for all these.’ She lied. She was not sure if it would have been a good idea to tell her the truth.

 

‘Your father? Are we talking about the same man? Salome why are you lying…’

 

‘ALEX!’ saved by the bell. When Mark called for her, Alex stopped her inquisition and went to attend him. 'This is not over.' 

 

Salome breathed as if the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders when Alex went to the bedroom. She went to put the presents under the tree. And then went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She had to think about how to justify her expensive presents. She wondered how much time she had until they were supposed to go to have dinner with Mark’s parents. Maybe she could get away with it for now if she just run to the shower before Alex had time to return and question her again. She spotted her mom’s phone on the table so she reached for it to check the time. When she lit the screen she was surprised by what she saw. Aha, apparently, they had been spotted at the mall. The 11th Doctor and Rose Tyler, again. Their #tag was back on and many were wondering who the girl under the wig was. So Alex knew. She had seen the pictures. Alex knew where the presents were coming from, she saw the picture with Matt crying and she even saw a picture with Salome and Matt leaving in the same car.

 

Everything clicked. Salome just rolled her eyes. Lipstick? The “I am a professional actress face”? The half-fake smile? The inquiry? Her trail of thought was interrupted by her mother returning to the kitchen.

 

‘I am not done with you, miss. So? Explain? Oh, I was looking for my phone.’

 

‘I am sorry Matt didn’t come upstairs, mom. He was not quite sure you’d want him to. But I can see from the lipstick and the I-am-an-infatuated-teenager attitude, that he was wrong.’ Salome gave her a scolding look and put the phone in her mom’s hand.

 

‘Sorry, what?’

 

‘Mom! I saw your phone. You were stalking me and Matt! Properly stalking! Like a creepy stalker! You know who paid for the presents. Why pretend?’

 

‘Well… no reason. I thought you’d tell me, and when you didn’t I wanted to make you tell me… because that is what a good daughter shall do. Tell the truth. And because I will not allow you to accept those presents.’

 

‘Mom! Just stop! You are not mad on my presents. You saw all the pictures! You knew exactly where I was. You saw the shops we’ve been to. It was obvious that I was not paying for Prada and Chanel on my own! Why didn't you call me to ask me to stop? Really mom? Tell me. If the idea of my presents upset you so much, why didn't you just call me to make me come home? They are just presents, ok? And I know it was not the best of attitudes for me to accept them… but come on! I am only human! It's not as if I would ever let him do this again! Any girl would have done it in my place! And Matt really, really insisted to buy all those…’

 

‘I do not care if he insisted!’ Alex complained.

 

‘Did you put lipstick on for Matt?’

 

‘Salome, I will not tolerate…’

 

‘You never wear lipstick inside! The face? Your face dropped when you saw me alone! You wanted him to come upstairs! You hopped he would! You wanted to see him and you are lying to my face! Did you, or did you not put lipstick on for Matt?’

 

‘You are ridiculous!’

 

‘MOM!’

 

Alex startled at her daughter’s yelling.

 

‘YES! I have. OK? GOSH!’ 

 

‘I am keeping the presents just because you have no right of telling me what is moral and what is not in this very instant. I am extremely annoyed with you, mom. Right now you cannot get it right! So I am going to get dressed with my amazing new Chanel dress for the dinner with your future in-laws, and I am going to pull my expensive Hermes bag and I am never going to mention this conversation again. I promise. Never. Whatever! Do what you want! I do not care. Your life. Your choices. Your mistakes! None of my business. I accept that you fooled me into believing you were actually happy with your life! But you are not and you are about to hurt people... Mark does not deserve to be an excuse for your inability of facing the truth! And Matt does not deserve to live all his life in regret! Just so you know… Matt said he’d wait for you forever. And that maybe one day, you’d just be brave enough to go home. Man up! And have my little speech in mind when you make your vows next week. Now if you’ll excuse me.’ Salome left the kitchen.


	10. Alex, my Alex!

_January 1st, 2020._

 

It was raining cats and dogs. The weather was absolutely horrible. Matt looked over his shoulder to peek through the window. Yes, he thought, the weather was definitely feeling as bad as he was.

 

_January 1st, 2020._

 

He rolled his eyes. He always thought that this date should be magical, somehow. Well, it was… for her… it was a magical day for her. She was happy and about to get married to the man she loved. Matt threw his brandy glass into the wall. He stood up, grabbed another glass and poured himself another brandy. Downed it and poured another one.

 

_January 1st, 2020._

 

Matt connected his laptop to the big TV and started playing some old videos. Oh, those two years of his life… 2013 and 2014. They had been his dream. His dream life, with his dream woman and his dream career… And then 2015 had to come to ruin everything. He did not even want to think about that bloody year, the year that started his hell.

 

_January 1st, 2020…_

 

A bit more and it would be March 2020… five years since his biggest mistake. The day he left instead of staying.

 

_January..._

 

Oh, screw the date! Just screw the date!

 

He wanted to focus only on 2013 and 2014. He had so many videos on his computer from that era. Oh dear, he had so many videos because he was filming her so much.

 

_“Matt… stop filming me!” she pushed him annoyed. But oh, how she was smiling. “Matt… just stop it! I want some privacy… It’s annoying to have the camera after me 24/7.”_

_“I want to save you for eternity!!! Just to have you forever…”_

_“Good I am not leaving then! Put down the camera, you bad boy, and I might take my clothes off…”_

_“Bribery! I love it!”_

 

And that was it. The video stopped and Matt knew well why.

 

His whole body was craving for her!

 

Matt was playing those videos every now and then. He liked hearing her voice in the flat. And seeing her in the flat. Yes, even now, he still had pictures with her around the apartment and he did not want under any circumstances to remove them. He stood up from the sofa and grabbed one of those photos. He loved it. They were starting at each other, Matt with his usual funny face and Alex with a flirtatious smile. He brought the picture to his lips and kissed it. A tear fell on it.

 

'I miss you, Alex… I miss you in every given second… I am so sorry, so, so, so sorry. It should have been us getting married today… Actually, celebrating a wedding anniversary or something. But no, you had to be so stubborn and not to trust me… and I had to be such a brat and bastard and hurt you… Oh, if I were the Doctor, Alex… Alex, oh, my Alex. My precious, Alex… mine… mine… no matter what you do, you will always be my Alex! Just because... because... Oh, Alex. If I were the Doctor… I would go back in time and rewrite our story. I would rewrite every second after that faithful night in March. I would never walk away... I would just try to show you how hurt I felt… and try to work it out. I would actually fall on my knees and ask you to marry me… then and there! As I should have! As I bloody should have! To prove you wrong! To prove that I would never just… walk away! I was stupid to walk away, so stupid... so stupid...'

 

Matt put the picture down and grabbed the bottle. He put it to his mouth and downed everything left in it in one sip. Then he just let it fall on the floor. He looked around the flat. Everything was surreal. All he could hear was the rain pouring outside.

 

His Alex was getting married…

 

And the sound of the rain...

 

And the thought of Alex getting married...

 

And the sound of rain... 

 

And the thought...

 

And the rain...

 

And...

 

Matt knelt on the floor. His flat was spinning. Why was his flat spinning? 

 

He crawled to the laptop. Put some videos on the playlist and pressed play.

 

The room soon got filled with her laughter. That was good... he loved to hear her laughing. 

 

He lied down on the carpet in the fetal position and started crying. Sobbing. 

 

He wanted the rain to stop! He could not stand the sound of it... 

 

He was sad enough himself! He did not want to listen to the crying of the skies! 

 

Alex's voice was joyful as always, laughing at him from the TV. 

 

_"MATT!!! Matt stop it!!! For me... just stop it!"  and then she laughed again._

_"Stop with the videos Matt! Oh... heaven you are so annoying! I will buy you chocolate if you stop with the stupid videos. They are no good...'_

 

'They are... they are...' he replied to the voice in the TV. 

 

Matt had no idea for how long he stayed like that, crying on the floor, when he heard a violent knock on the door. When he said knock, he meant someone banging the fists on it... not even that. That would have been graceful in comparison to the sound coming from his poor door. 

 

‘Stupid Kazza… go away! Go away, you idiot! I do not care about your stupid New Year party!’ he whispered without moving.

 

But the banging continued for a while and it was killing his head. He made an effort to stand up and used all the walls and furniture he could find in his way to reach the front door. He opened it.

 

She was shivering. Completely soaked! Her long and ivory dress was so wet that he could see a trail of water behind her. Her hairstyle was half-ruined and her make-up was all over her face.

 

‘Alex?’

 

‘Honey… I’m home.’ She managed to say with her teeth chattering. He almost smiled and muttered:

 

‘And what sort of time do you call this?’

 

‘Ah… better late, than never?’

 

Matt started laughing like mad. He still could not move at all.

 

‘Did you run away from your own wedding?’ he asked staring at her.

 

‘Might have. Yes. Will you let me in now, I am freezing? It's so cold outside!’

 

‘Yeah… yeah… sorry…’ He stepped away from the door letting her in. ‘I… I will put the kettle on.’

 

‘That would be great. I’ll go change.’

 

‘Yeah… right. Sure.’

 

Matt went to the kitchen and put the kettle to boil. He took his head into his hands. How much did he drink? He knew he lost count after opening the third bottle. He really needed a coffee. He made himself a coffee and went back to the living room pressing play to yet other videos.

 

After roughly 15 minutes Alex entered the living room. She stopped after a couple of steps looking around. She saw the TV and the old video that he was watching. She saw pictures with them around the room. She saw three empty bottles of brandy on the floor and a fourth one, more than half empty, on the table. Then she saw him staring at her with a coffee in his hands. Eyes half closed. She looked around and there was no second mug.

 

‘Didn’t you make some coffee or tea for me as well?’ she asked on a confused tone.

 

‘I am dreaming. You need no coffee because you are not here. What are you doing with my sweatpants and t-shirt on?’

 

‘I don’t have clothes and my bridal dress is soaked… since it’s raining cats and dogs outside. You said… wait, what?’

 

‘Alex, dear Alex… my Alex… you are not really here. Wear whatever you want. You look good in everything! You can even take them off if it makes you feel better.’

 

‘Matt, how drunk are you?’ she asked on a sad voice. She was not sure whether she should move towards him or not.

 

‘I am not even sure. Maybe just a little bit…’

 

‘Matt…’ her voice sounded worried and sad.

 

‘Don’t judge me, my love… I had good reasons to get drunk right after breakfast. It’s one of those really bad days… you know... very bad days. I cannot even believe I drank so much… I don't drink anymore. I am a res... res... respectable! man now. Very respectable. But it just didn't go away. The thought... the thought of you getting married… so many regrets, Alex. So many... How pathetic am I, Alex? I should just listen to Salome and let go. I should give up on you. I really should... But I cannot…’

 

Alex went and sat next to him on the sofa, taking one of his hands into hers and pulling all her strength together not to burst into crying. 

 

‘But, Matt... my love. Matt, I am here. I really am here. I promise… I promise that you are not dreaming. You are not dreaming, my love.' She forced a chuckle. 'You actually ruined my movie scene… you know? I was all dramatic… you should have seen me! I was walking down the aisle, bouquet, dress, bridesmaids… music, everything! Even the perfect man. The perfect man for someone else. I panicked. I panicked so much... oh, Matt. I got a hell of a panic attack! I could not do it… I simply could not do it! He deserved better than a woman whose heart he could never own. I just stop, because I could no longer breath... and turned away… and Matt I ran!' She started caressing his long hair. 'Oh, my love... my love, I ran so fast, so fast… faster than ever!' Her voice was sweet and soft. 'And it was raining so much. So cold! I only had that silly dress on me, sleeveless… nothing on. And it’s freezing outside! But I did not care, my baby. All I could picture was you opening that door and me jumping in your arms! And BOOM. Happily ever after! Why did you ruin my movie scene, you daft man?’

 

Alex forced another chuckle. Now the tears were silently streaming down her face. She kissed him on the cheek. Matt looked at her. The trail of his tears were painful to look at. 

 

‘That’s just rubbish… I could have written a better movie scene.’ he said. 

 

‘No, love… no… It's not rubbish. I was scared and coward before! That was me manning up! That was me deciding that we indeed hurt each other too much, that we were very wrong in our relationship, but that we deserved to be happy. But I will leave my speech for tomorrow. Come on, baby… I think you should sleep. I'll take care of you.’

 

‘Maybe… cuz' my head hurts… and my flat is spinning… and my eyes are playing games to me. Tell Kaz I do not care about her New Year party. Ok?’

 

'I will tell her... I will...'

 

Alex stood up and helped him stand up as well. He put one arm around her shoulders and she took him to the bedroom.

 

'Alex... I feel quite sick...' 

 

'Alright... come... don't... don't! Come on... some more steps. Good...' they reached his toilet. 'Kneel baby... I've got you... I've got you...' Matt started throwing up, while Alex was holding his hair with one hand and his forehead with the other. 'Good baby... you'll feel better tomorrow.' 

 

After some five minutes Matt rested his head on the edge of the toilet and Alex started the shower. 

 

'Up, love! Up!'

 

She helped him stand up and removed his clothes before pushing him in the shower. She covered him after that in towels and helped him back to bed. She climbed next to him. 

 

'I am sorry... I suppose this is not how you wanted to spend your wedding night.' he whispered. 

 

'Indeed, it is not. But you're the man with whom I wanted to spend my wedding night... so there is no other place I'd rather be.'

 

It didn’t take long for Matt to fall asleep. Alex watched him sleeping, caressing his hair and silently crying for hours. She hated to see him in that state especially because she knew that his only reason for drowning in alcohol was her wedding… And she knew he was hurt, and she could have stopped it earlier but she didn't... she had been too coward to do it... she just left him alone... and that was a mistake she was never going to repeat.  

 


	11. After all, tomorrow is another day!

When Matt woke up, his head was hurting because of the light and because of the rain. No!!! He thought covering his head with a pillow. Why was it still raining? That constant sound of rain was pure torture! He spent some 10 more minutes in bed before deciding to stand up and go wash his face and brush his teeth. The previous night was a blur in his head. He was standing in his bathroom, brushing his teeth in front of the mirror and trying to remember what happened the previous night when it hit him…

 

He dreamt that… He looked around him. He was alone! He felt a sudden rush of panic rising in his chest! But she promised… well, he rolled his eyes, a dream would be able to make promises as well. Alex would have never played the runaway bride! She is a lady, not the character of a freak show, he tried to reassure himself. 

 

Matt put down his tooth brush, cleaned his face and went to pick a clean t-shirt from the wardrobe. Only then he saw it! The ivory dress! The ivory dress lying in front of his wardrobe door. He stared down in disbelief. He closed his eyes, shook his head twice, and opened his eyes again. No, it wasn’t just his mind playing games on him. The dress was still there! The dress was indeed there… which meant…

 

‘Alex? ALEX!!!!’

 

Matt left the bedroom almost banging himself in every wall along the way. He ran to the kitchen shouting her name:

 

“ALEX!!! ALEX!”

 

She turned to face him utterly scared!

 

‘Matt??? All ok?’

 

‘Oh heavens!!! Oh heavens!!! You really are here! YOU ACTUALLY ARE HERE!!!’

 

Matt jumped on her, lifted her in the air and started spinning her around!

 

‘Ah!!! You scared me so much with all the shouting. Of course I am here… I promised, didn’t I?’

 

Alex started laughing. Matt continued to spin her for several more seconds and then he put her down grabbing her face into his hands. He pulled her into a passionate kiss and barely let her breath. He was kissing her desperately as if his life depended on it.

  
When he broke the kiss Alex’s head was spinning. Her lips were swallowed and her voice nearly broken. He was staring into her eyes as if he wanted to grasp the meaning of the universe out of them.

 

‘You are here… you are really here!’

 

Alex smiled, then blushed. She bit her lower lip. Yes, she was really there!!! Now that he kept on repeating it, she couldn’t believe it either! She was actually there…

 

But the magic was suddenly ruined by the sound of the kettle finishing boiling. It was only then that Matt realized the table was set for two. There were pastries and scrambled eggs and pancakes… oh, Alex’s pancakes! And jam and fruits and ham and butter… And tea and coffee…

 

Matt narrowed his eyes. The breakfast/brunch (he had no idea what time it was) looked amazing but, for some reason the thing he really wanted to eat was missing. And he had no idea what that thing was until she spoke again:

  
‘Hm. Breakfast is ready.’

 

‘Oh yes… yes it is!’ Matt bent a little so that he could grab her knees. Alex lost her balance and fell on his shoulder. He grabbed her like that.

 

‘AHHH!!!! Stop it! Put me down!!! I am not a bag of potatoes!’

 

‘No. You’re just kidnapped!’ he left the kitchen going towards his bedroom.

 

‘Oh, Matt. Put me down! What are you doing?’

 

‘What am I doing? Exactly what any male who desires to remain sane would do in my place! I am claiming back my territory! I will put you down, Kingston! As soon as I can throw you in my bed! And then I’ll show you breakfast! And brunch, and lunch, and snack-time, and dinner! And then the same all over again!’

 

Alex started laughing and stopped protesting. Before realizing he dropped her on the bed – pretty roughly. He climbed on top of her taking off his t-shirt.

 

‘Oh, Alex…’ he bent and started whispering in her ear, pressing his body against her. He kissed her neck and his hands started moving around her body. Oh! His mind was exploding. She was actually there. In his arms. His Alex. HIS!

 

‘I adore you. I adore you more than you can imagine. Be scared of me, Alex! Be really scared of me… because I am an addict relapsing! You’re stuck with me now! For good and forever!’

 

Alex forced a laugh but she could barely think. Gosh, he felt like home! She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his basin. Suddenly she realized she had no idea how she survived without him for so long! She stuck her nails into his back very possessively. He moaned.

 

‘Aren’t you hangover?’

 

‘Who cares? Do you think a bit of headache can stop me now??? Alex! The end of the world could not stop me now.’

 

She laughed like crazy…

 

\--- 

 

Alex fell back on the bed screaming in utter pleasure. He collapsed next to her, gasping for air. They were both tired and sweaty with no notion of how much time has passed since they started with the insatiable sex.

 

As they were regaining their breath and their common sense, the silence slowly settled in. Alex was resting her head on his chest. He was staring at the ceiling, one arm wrapped around her. He left out a big sigh. So did she.

 

‘I don’t even know where to start…’ he said barely louder than a whisper.

 

‘I know… what could we possibly say?’

 

‘I do not know.’ he whispered again.

 

‘Can't we stay silent?’

 

‘No. The air will soon become unbreathable…’

 

‘Then, for the love of God, say something!’ she begged.

 

Matt took another deep breath: ‘Why now?’

 

‘Because there wouldn’t have been another chance…’ she said slowly and he could feel hot tears on his chest.

 

‘Does this mean that I am getting another chance?’ he dared to ask.

 

‘Is that even an option? I thought I was kidnapped…’ she tried to joke.

 

‘Of course it is an option. You are as free as a bird, my love…’ he said with a plain voice, certainly not accepting the attempt of joke.

 

‘How hurt are you, Matt? Be honest…’ she asked with her tears breaking her voice. 

 

‘Not enough for what I have done to you.’ He smiled and kissed her on her curls.

 

‘Oh, Matt… but that is not true… what I’ve seen yesterday! Oh! Don’t you dare tell me it was nothing because I could barely stay composed after seeing you hurting like that.’

 

He shook his head. He did not matter. He really didn't. ‘How can you even be here? This is surreal. Are you sure I am not dreaming?’

 

‘No one is ever sure that they are not dreaming… but let’s dream the dream together this time.’

 

She stood in sitting position and looked at him. She was covered in his white sheets and nothing else. Her hair looked like a perfect halo. Matt smiled. How could he be sure he was not dreaming when he was faced with an angel?

 

‘Matt… I am ready to go all in! Never to question your loyalty again or your ability of being the man I need, the man that can become my protector, my home. I am all in… if you will have me.’

 

Matt’s cheeks were as well covered in tears. Still unable to take his eyes off her, he also stood in sitting position to look her directly in the eyes.

 

‘Don’t “if” it, Alex. There is no place for an "if" clause in this conversation. You well know I would always have you. As I told Salome… I would have waited for you my whole life and I meant it.’

 

‘She convinced me to do it… I should have been braver earlier. I wrote a text, when I saw the leaked interview. I wanted to invite you out for coffee, but I chickened out. I deleted the text. But at least, I should have called you after your Christmas shopping spree with Salome – by the way, we will discuss that later! (Matt laughed a bit). Salome gave me quite a speech when she came home. That girl is so clever. I should have listened to her! But I was too afraid… I needed the panic attack from the wedding to realize what I was doing! I needed that wake up call… I needed to be in a now or never situation… oh heaven! What have I done??? Oh heaven! I ran away from my wedding??? I was... oh dear! I created such a mess!!! Oh dear… oh dear! I cannot even think about it…’

 

‘We will sort it out, the mess. Don’t worry about it now. You are not alone. We will fight the world, the press, everything, if necessary. Together… properly.' He caressed her cheek. Then he broke the contact and looked at her with very serious eyes. 

 

'Alex, when I said do not "if" it, I meant... do not "if" it _if_   you are completely sure you want this. As I have waited until now, I will wait for you until forever, even if forever never comes. I have made my choice and my mind a long time ago. For me it's you or nothing. And I grew fine with the idea of it. Of course, as it happened last night, some days are really bad, and I feel like I cannot do it anymore, like I cannot live my life half complete anymore. But those moments are really rare. But, if my waiting is really over... I want to do it right. So I am telling you now, from the very start how I see the situation. I want you to know what I want from you and what I expect from our relationship. I want marriage, I want one house and for us to live as much as possible in only one country, and I want to adopt at least one child. This is how I see any future we might have together. I do not want a Hollywood relationship and I do not want the Hollywood habits to mess up my life. My future without you? Yes, I would completely and without regret offer it to the altar of the film industry. But not us. I do not ask you to give up your career, as I expect you not to ask that from me. What I am saying is that I want stability. I crave for stability and normality because my life in the past five years has been anything but normal and stable. But more important than anything else, I do not want us to start this life right away, to just jump into the life I described you. I do not want to start now, because we cannot! We cannot ignore what happened… these awful years that passed and all the regrets, all the pain and the suffering and the denial! If we just ignore that, the foundation of our life would be a pool of moving sands. We need to actually discuss about the insecurities that made you doubt me, about my issues and the unhealthy game I played and made you play. We need to discuss about the years we lost and how we felt during this period. And when I say that we need to discuss, I do not mean you and me. I mean you, me and someone who is qualified to provide us with real help. Because I want this to work. I want us to work and I strongly believe that we cannot do it on our own, Alex. There are people out there who can help us and I am more than fine with spending my every afternoon in couple therapy until we are sure that we've made it... that I can fall on one knee in front of you and put a ring on your finger. I know you say that you want us to to start over, to dream the dream together this time, but there is a great difference between wanting and being able to resume a relationship… especially in the given conditions.’

 

Alex was smiling and crying in the same time listening to his words and soft voice.

 

‘My love.’ Matt placed a kiss on her cheek and took one of her hands into his hand. ‘Please tell me now that you understand what I've just told you. Or please kiss me goodbye, take your dress and leave. I will persuade myself that this was just a dream, and I will carry on with my life and career in the same way I have in the last five years. But Alex, if you stay now and leave tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or the day after that… then, when you will leave, I’ll have no reason, nor will to stay alive.’

 

‘My boy grew up and turned into the man I always knew he would be… how could I ever leave him now, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or the day after that?’ she kissed his lips and smiled. 'We will do what it takes... and we'll make it. I feel it. I know it!'  

 

He kissed her forehead and hugged her. Then they laid back in bed. She placed her head back on his chest and he wrapped his hand around her. And they just stayed like that, listening to the sound of rain and thinking about the future.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

**_***Epilogue***_ **

 

She stood up screaming louder than everyone else. She grabbed his face into her palms and pressed a kiss on his lips. He responded to her kiss and then he kissed both her cheeks before leaving his seat. He had something in his hand. He collected his prize and cleared his voice for the speech.

 

_‘I never expected to win, so I made no speech. However, I can picture the newspapers tomorrow: The Doctor gets an Oscar! So much for history and discretion…’_

 

Matt rolls his eyes. Everybody laughed.

 

_‘Oh… yes, speaking about the Doctor. My soon-to-be step-daughter made me promise I will wear a red fez if I win! So here is my fez. No worries Salome! I will make you do something equally embarrassing when you become a politician. I will remember!’_

 

Matt puts his red fez on faking a silly face and getting everyone laughing again.

 

_‘With the risk of getting everyone extremely annoyed with me… there is only one person I would like to thank for this. Alex, my love… I won this for you and only thanks to you. You tried so hard to make me see my full potential and I was such a child and never listened to the true meaning of your words. You were right, I venerated you as an ideal and I never saw you as a person. You once told me that “human Alex” could never compete with “goddess Alex”, but that is not true. It is actually the other way round! Because that ideal I thought I loved was unable to make me evolve, it only made me stagnate in a state of fake-perfection, made me disregard the needs and problems of the real person who was next to me! It took the real you, your love, your lessons, your suffering to make me prosper, to make me grow as a person and as an actor. It is my greatest regret that I understood this only when it was too late. But I eventually understood it and everything I have done in the last years is the result of your incredible influence on me. They say this little statue is the greatest prize one can get during the year. But for me the greatest prize of 2020 is you! And this award is for you, my love! Thank you for coming home!’_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! 
> 
> One month after my first chapter, this story reaches its end. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and I apologize again for any bad feelings this might have caused you. Thank you so much for reading it and for commenting! 
> 
> Also, thank you for such a warm welcome on AO3! I love being here and this will definitely not be the last time you hear from me! xoxo


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